it can’t all be highs

Last night I spoke to my sister on the phone and the time has come for us to go our separate ways and release ourselves from our own father.

Our entire lives have seemed to revolve around this man who wants nothing to do with us. And when he does he basically wants to tell us how to live our lives in detailed steps. He’s ok with a phone call once every now and again to tell us how he is ‘there’ for us, ‘anytime’ of day of night, for ‘anything’ we need.

He’d give me $500 in a heartbeat.

All I’m asking is for 5 minutes.

I don’t understand his parenting logic. My younger sister, brother and I are estranged entirely from our whole family because of the impression they have of us. My father, tires to ‘help’ everyone. His idea of help comes only in one form. Financial. So when my cousins, uncles, aunts, need ‘help’ they run to him. Actually even his EMPLOYEES run to him for ‘help’ with things like buying cars, houses, paying out loans and likes. So whilst our cousins and other extended family members and non-family members are having showers of money poured over their heads they assume because we are his CHILDREN that we are spoilt, have done nothing to achieve our places in life, that we have big fat silver spoons hanging out our gobs!

This is so untrue.

While he’s working so hard to ‘help’ others we never see him. Even growing up we NEVER saw him he was always at work. always.

I just wish I had the opportunity to talk to these people who think these things and set them straight. He’s an image man. He doesn’t give us a cent. He doesn’t give us a minute.

We don’t think he wants us.

I’m just glad I’m an adult and can handle this information.

Well, as well as I can.

This is not a snap decision. It’s a decision I have needed to make for years. I have my own family which I would never give up a minute to be with, especially for the sake of a dollar. Everytime I speak to him I’m left empty, drained and upset.

He’s sucking out my life force with his guilt for not knowing who I am.

He doesn’t want to see me or his grandchildren.

I don’t understand his motives at all.

Greed is poisonous thing. It has rotted my exceptionally large family down to my sister, my brother, Glen, Naomi -my best friend- my children and me. I don’t trust anyone else. I need to be able to trust my family.

Today I will be writing a letter, addressed to the man I once admired.

For the wrong reasons.

It will read-

Now that I have my own children and family. I just cannot understand your strong desire to get away from us.

I have never wanted your ‘help’ I have wanted your time.

And this simply, is one thing you can not give me.

 

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