eat pray love?

I finally watched the movie Eat Pray Love. I loved it, I laughed a little, wanted to cry a little, and related a little.

I love how she had to leave her entire life to find herself. I love that she had the freedom to do that, but not all of us do. I found my ‘balance’ not through food, or praying, perhaps a little through loving.

I decided to be balanced, I make a choice each morning to smile. I make the choice to suppress certain past events from entering my mind and interfering with my daily life. If I wasn’t happy here, right now, with myself, I would not be able to go to italy, india or bali and be happy. I may enjoy myself but happiness is internal, not environmental. Ever noticed those starving, poverty-stricken children smiling and giggling and laughing after photographers? While some kids in far better off places sulk and complain whilst wearing brand name clothing with Nintendo’s in their hands.

It’s a frame of mind. There is no object, place or person to ‘complete’ us.

To be happy, you must BE happy.

Be it.

I said I was balanced. I know my centre, my starting, peaceful point. Though I fluctuate wildly from this point. I am an emotional soul. I accept that. Just as I accept the sky is blue. I have highs and lows but my centre is like a magnet, it pulls me in to recharge and remind me of who I am.

A man I once admired told me ‘Life’s not meant to be easy.’

My jaw dropped. My eyes almost fell out of their head. You are telling me? ME the woman who was molested at 6, kicked out of home at 14, again abused by a man, anorexic for a lack of food and money, pregnant and alone at 16, providing for myself and my new baby…….it goes on. But life’s not meant to be easy?

I know that! Mr Easy Street.

I felt like suggesting he takes his blindfold off and take a look around, no one has it easy no matter, what, where or who they are. Everyone lives their own hell. Or if you choose heaven.

I don’t and won’t ever pray.

God is within me, the good in me.

I choose good, I choose happy.

I have no regrets, I know who I am, how I got this way and everything in my life has contributed to it.

My life has been a test of wills. My will against the will of the world and I know mine is stronger. Nothing goes away but everything can be viewed in a new way.

Our world is beautiful.

And I have gotten off track.

Balance…..*sigh*

If you have not seen this movie I suggest you do. It has so many meaningful little tid bits. I’m sure I’ll be quoting them on Facebook for a while.

Balance is within, you don’t need to search. You need to choose.

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