Well like the title suggests I think I am getting the hang of being content.
I think I am liking weekends too. I forcefully suggested that Glen be the one to get up this morning so I could get some extra rest. He got up at 7.30 to the girls and I got up at 8.30 to get our picnic morning tea ready. We were heading to comet park again.
ALL of us.
We arrived about 10.30am and played and played and played.
The girls played ‘house’ while Glen and I had an orange peel fight. We chased off crows and ‘happy families’ (some little bird, which I only recognise by that name) I think they are beginning to remember who we are and that we leave awesome crumbs and have pancakes, crusts and other goods they think they can steal while we’re busy rescuing children from prickles or ‘crocodiles’ (Violet’s going through a thing) or from head butting play equipment.
We also just ‘hung out’
We also ‘rocked out’
We ‘ran about’
And almost ‘flung out’
We played alone at times.
And then together.
By far the biggest hit of the park today was the swing.
We all had a great time. We snacked on blueberries and oranges and drank lots and lots of water.
At one stage the mower man came over and talked to us once he’d finished his mowing. I can say right now that my weird vibe-o-meter went mad. I know I wasn’t the only one as the girls quickly had other things to do where as they usually warm up to nice people and shyly chat a little. Even I, more social than Glen had to excuse myself to go push the girls on the swing. This man was too close to me and I was really creeped out. I always meet people liking and trusting them but I always get a ‘feeling’ about them. Some people radiate genuine. Some people radiate some darker ‘thing’ that over the years I am trusting more and more within myself. So the girls and I left poor Glen to struggle though the pointless conversation this random man was trying to drag out for as long as possible.
Eventually he hopped on his bike -literally- and rode off into the mid-day sun.
Even Glen was weirded out.
When Molly began trying to find a comfortable spot on the table to have a rest and then snuggling up with her bottle and picnic blanket under the shade of a tree we thought it must be time to leave. Everyone was getting a little tired and grumpy.
So we packed up and decided to head toward Emerald rather than home. Glen and I have had a thing for subway lately and the girls won’t say no to a happy meal for lunch. So that’s what we did. Grabbed some lunch and sat in a park in Emerald together.
While we were there a lady pulled up followed by a bunch of fancy ‘family’ cars. Each containing a prim and proper, not a smudge on me because I have not gotten down on the floor which my child today, type mother. (how judgmental of me, well I am human.) Followed by one small child also dressed for a ball rather than and afternoon in the park. They all seemed to have one child of the same or similar ages and all so well dressed and immaculate that I began to feel a little hobo-ish. They all stood around comparing cuteness the quality of gifts.
They were having a birthday party. My girls stared – ambarrisingly – at the huge presents and elaborate cake. But at the same time I think they may have been looking at us, Mum AND Dad with our FOUR girls laughing, them rolling around in the ‘dirty’ grass having races and shoving each other out of the way.
Being children not dolls or accessories.
When we left I was thinking about the ‘pressures’ of these social situations, the ones that leave you empty because people are always trying to compete and let you know how ‘great’ their lives are and how much they have or do. It exhausts me. The longer my two-week family time goes on the more I am enjoying the freedom. I am free to spend time with my kids without expecting people to ask what I am doing. I am free of people questioning why I do what I am doing or trying to compete with me.
I think I may become a hermit.
I can do what I want. Say what I want. Be what I am want.
I can parent the way I want.
I can love the way I want.
I am starting to think that freedom is simply being out from under the microscope.
Now if only I could get all my neighbours to move at least 5 kilometres away. Not likely.
Anyway. Driving home the girls were quiet on and off and my peaceful driving ‘feeling’ crept in. I enjoy travelling. I feel like I am ‘going somewhere’ in the car with Glen and the girls I don’t feel the need for my constant and pointless chatter. I am content to be silent and feel the swells of emotion wash over me. Happiness, peace and love for the ones cocooned in this moving bubble with me.
And to make it even better, it was a beautiful overcast day, these are my favorite days. I actually don’t like sunny days at all. Rainy days are so comforting to me. I don’t know why I have always felt like this. Its like ‘the big guy’ flicks out a huge feather doonah and covers the Earth. It makes me feel closer to everything and safe. The landscape is cleaner and clearer. I feel like I can breathe easier when it is overcast. Such mysterious magical weather.
We arrived home around 3.30pm a nice full day.
The girls and I jumped into a nice hot shower.
I felt so relaxed afterwards I lay on the floor of our bedroom watching Glen and Violet play a car racing game on the Xbox with Molly ‘trying’ to help.
Right now I have to get dinner up. Molly and Glen are watching Toy Story 3 -yes we do own other movies- Bella has somehow convinced Sophie and Violet to help clean her bedroom.
The dinner rush will be on in about 5 minutes time. Potato bake, tomato and herb sausages with some brocoli, peas, corn and carrot. Maybe followed by choc mint ice cream accidentally bought by Glen-
Day 6 has been awesome. I know I will probably have something to complain about soon but right now I can’t possibly see anything important enough to be complained about.
I am thinking I should have cut myself off from the world long ago. I’m learning who we each really are and how to have fun without the influence of anyone else to entertain us.
We can be happy together.