day 8

Well today wasn’t a great as some of the others. Though I was a little distracted which I think was the only difference. Glen also went back to work today and the girls are always a little off on his first day back.

It all started well with the usual 6am wake up, clean up. We had breakfast together and chatted. I told the girls of my plans for us all to attempt to learn a second language. originally I had wanted to learn German purely for practical purposes. I have a bug chunk of German in me and my Sophie and Violet are practically 3 quarters German. I thought it would be relevant and maybe easier for them to learn since its ‘in our blood’ but I never expect to go to germany, that doesn’t really interest me. I thought about Cantonese because it’s apparently the best language to know career wise. But I decided to go with ‘just because’ and after beginning to read Eat Pray Love, Elizabeth Gillbert’s descriptions of italiano finally made up my mind.

We’ll learn italian.

The girls are already saying ‘grazie mamma’ ‘ciao’ and ‘non lo so’ (thank you mum, hi/bye and I don’t know.)

I’ve been a little obsessed, printing out sheet after sheet, and pouring over them, I’ve been saying weird sentences to the girls all day they look at me and smile. Molly laughs. She thinks its great.

Bella and I practiced pronunciation on the way to school this morning and worked out our morning conversation which consists of-

Me: ciao! buonagirnio. come stai? (hi, good morning, how are you?)

Bella: sto bene grazie. (I’m fine, thanks)

And then vice versa.

Bella was so excited about learning it all, she wrote down a bunch of sayings and words to practice at school. This afternoon was a different story however. She came home excited and eager. But once she hit a bump and couldn’t pronounce a certain sound she started getting frustrated. She ended up ripping the page from her book and tearing it to shreds. Once she calmed down she asked me to re-write everything she’d destroyed when I said no that was it. She hated me, she hated our family, she never wanted to learn stupid italian anyway. She was going to run away.

Well ok then.

I really do not enjoy her outbursts.

It makes me angry and short with everyone. All my patience flys out the window once I’m attacked. She was sent for a shower and to her room to cool off. I know she’ll be upstairs for dinner all happy like nothing happened. But being treated like that and spoken to like that lingers too long with me.

But anyway I’ll get over it. I always do.

The little girls today played dolls, coloured, made me all sorts of abstract sculptures with the clay, played chases and had a swim. I know they’ll be worn out again tonight. I just wasn’t fully ‘with it’ today and when I feel like that I feel detached and can not fully be present.

I hope tomorrow I will be able to focus my attention in the right places again.

I notice that the italian which I was enjoying was good for me, but the girls took advantage of my occasionally wondering mind and would be up to something before I could even blink. I don’t know if this constant and undivided attention is all good for them. I hope I can find a balance because I have also decided I want to continue my limited knowledge of guitar playing. I used to play a little back when I was a teenager, but lost interest when I thought I had better things to worry about I gave my beautiful acoustic guitar to my brother which then my sister had and somewhere along the line it was destroyed. Maybe after our trip home in June I may buy one as an early birthday present for myself. I just need to work out when I can fit it in!

The nights are only so long.

Anyway. My lesson for today.

Focus. Be present and aware.

Be HERE.

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