day 9 and 10

So I completely forgot to write a post yesterday! And here I was thinking I had a routine.

Well I actually had a lot on my mind. I’ve been thinking how good it is to ‘not exist’ but at the same time I’m feeling REALLY selfish. I feel bad for not having spoken to my best friend and sister for over a week now and only thinking about ‘myself’ ( now when I say ‘myself’ I mean Glen, Bella, Sophie, Violet, Molly AND me.)

I really want to catch up and see how they are doing but I’ve come this far and think it would be a waste and technically I would have broken my own rules. No one else gives me rules these days -besides the police of course, but I’m not up for breaking the law- I’d just like to see it through to the end. I am just hoping no one hates me at the end of it for my lack of communication. Perhaps I may become a hermit not by choise. I may be abandoned!

I also have been wrapped up in all this italian! I am really enjoying it and can now tell the time! (all I need now is an italian to ask me what it is!) I’ve found italian radio stations online which I am listening to any chance I get, to get a feel for the pronunciation. It’s really exciting when my ears suddenly click and I can say ‘I know what they’re talking about!’

I’ve also been introducing italian to my girls, they’ve picked up grazie -thank you- non-dont- and they love stupido, which really is self explanatory. Bella despite her original frustrating outbursts is still trying.

I’ve also been concentrating on the girls and it is hard to think of things to do everyday without it getting repetitive. Yesterday we cleaned and played blocks and puzzles, sand pits and swings. Today we headed to comet park AGAIN, I’m glad the girls enjoy it but I am getting tired of typing about ‘comet park’ let alone going there. I mean I don’t mind if it’s what the girls want to do, I like the drive but a change of scenery would be nice. But really there isn’t anywhere else to go.

Though today comet’s playgroup was on at the park so we joined the ladies and kids. There was a heap of boys. Only two girls besides my own. I can honestly say that besides a couple of the ladies who seemed nice I don’t think I’ll keep going despite the invitations. No one seemed very conversational and I felt like every time I said something no one responded. They were nice enough but maybe uncomfortable with an outsider? Either shy or unwelcoming I don’t know. And after listening to how one lady chooses to discipline her 3 boys and then to continue on to describe arguments her family has had with her over her ‘methods’ of parenting I decided that I don’t quite fit in with these mums. Another had to leave early due to her daughter biting any inch of bare skin on the other kids then screaming about leaving, others throwing dirt in others faces. Poking, punching, swearing and slightly abusive mothers kinda turned me off.

Argh judging again!

No, I was just describing what I witnessed.

Its different isn’t it?

Ok, well yesterday I can not say I was totally ‘into’ it all again but I wasn’t off with the fairies either. Today was better.

The girls ended up grubby and happy.

I’m kind of sticky and grimy too so I can say I got involved.

I am REALLY exhausted too. I haven’t been able to switch my brain off at night. I keep disturbing Glen -which annoys me, so surely must annoy him. And he’s the one who’s got to go to work!) It’s mainly weird pregnancy dreams and a fair bit italian too. I think I am trying to subconsciously teach myself and converse with myself while I sleep!

I plan to stop studying before sleep.

Maybe tomorrow night.

Ok well I’m off to make chicken salad wraps for my sandy children.

These are hugs and kisses for my friends and family who consistently put up with my odd ‘phases’ including this one of solitude.

I do miss you.

I do think of you.

xoxoxoxo

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