Those who know me well, will be familiar with the occasional glassy-eyed, mind wondering off to far away places type look I get, the kind of ‘out of it’ peace that I slip into sometimes. The kind that leaves me wandering shopping centres with a lazy smile and dopey expression, seemingly oblivious to everything around me.
People I know have just about had to stand a foot in front of me and slap me in the forehead before I snap back to reality with a goofy ‘Oh, Hi…’ as my eyes adjust and I recognise the person standing there claiming they’ve been calling out to me for ages.
I’m writing this post after finally noticing how good at this ignorant bliss I have gotten. I have mastered it so well that I can now include my little family inside my bubble of oblivion. I can be completely aware of what Glen and each of my girls is doing, even hold a dreamy conversation and yet the world around us disappears into a blur of nothingness, it’s just us and our private jokes.
Until something snaps me back.
Its sort of like travelling a well-known route for weeks, months or years and knowing it so well you can navigate without thinking as it all blurs by and then suddenly one day there are some road works and they force you to slow down and eventually stop and all of a sudden you’re sitting there looking about at things so clearly you hadn’t actually noticed them, everything is in focus and so close.
This is kind of how my mind works, road works being me snapped back. My eyes adjusting and finally taking notice of everything at hand.
‘Oh huh weird….. Was that tree there before?’
Today while walking down the street in Emerald with the girls chatting about the theories of what may or may not happen to your mother’s back if you step on a crack, we walked by a pub and some movement caught my eye, an old smelly, excessively hairy man stumbled from the pub mumbling something, he looked at me and said ‘your right darlin’ I gave him my lazy smile and nod, this I have perfected so I do not look completely rude and off with the fairies.
But it wasn’t until we had moved on a couple of metres when my mind clicked. I stopped at the road works. And a frown pulled at my eyebrows. It sunk in that his ‘mumbling’ was actually obscene swearing. I could remember clearly now what he had been saying. And his apparent ‘your right darlin’ was what? To insure me I was safe?
Wow, I just smiled and nodded at this man who was drunk and smelly and stumbling out of a pub, as I, big and pregnant strolled by with my 3 littlest daughters.
Ok not exactly the best place for my state of ‘peace’ I won’t be walking that street again.
But anyway I wanted to write about how to get to that state. I used to walk the shops or even just be in a stressful state of mind daily. I’d obsess over everything like what to wear, what to eat, what to do, how much money I didn’t have, and so on and so forth.
I wouldn’t sleep well because I’d lay in bed replaying things already been and gone, wishing I had of said or done something differently.
I’d worry about what people thought of me if I did or didn’t do something, if I thought something I said or did didn’t go down well.
Oh man! But why?
I seriously have bigger fish to fry like….
Where am I going to find the energy to read those 5 extra books my girls want read tonight?
Have I made Glen enough lunch for work tomorrow?
I really should have swept the floor AFTER lunch rather than before.
These are the things that are important to me personally. All those other things are pointless and a waste of time. A waste of my already overloaded brain. I have too many random things to think about. Random things that MATTER, to me.
Being peaceful is not an ‘I don’t care about anything’ attitude, its more of an ‘I don’t care that much’ type attitude. I know so many people who stress over simple little things, constantly in a rush to move from one activity to the next, anxiously awaiting the next day to come so they can move on from the present one, you know the quicker our days go by, the sooner we reach the end of our lives and seriously they are short enough as it is.
So take a breath. Yeah right now. In, out. In, out. Have you ever just stopped to concentrate on breathing? I know you CAN do it, but focus on it for a little. Its kinda fun and peaceful.
Slow down. Smell the roses. You don’t have to literally, but as the saying suggests stop rushing around. Switch off. While bustling along with the flow of humanity down a busy street just stop. Stop in the midst of it all. Trust me know one will notice they’ll be to busy with their own thoughts. Block everyone out and watching a butterfly flutter by, assuming one takes flight on que.
But you get me?
No matter how bad today is or was, it could have been worse, so instead of dwelling, be thankful.
No matter how little money you have, your next breath will come. And money always comes and goes.
No matter what people think of you, you will still exist.
So turn on your ‘whatever’ face. Zone out, think of far off places where bills and work and pressure do not exist.
Step out of humanity and be free of everything.
Just breath. Relax.
Just exist and let it be enough.
Look at things you wouldn’t normally take notice of.
Smile on the inside.
Such insignificant yet complex creatures we are, thinking we are so important.
Just be yourself.