The ‘new’ retro wife.

I just wanted to clarify the differences between the way ‘housewives’ used to be and how they are now.

And wow what a huge difference 70 or so years can make!

So as you can see from exhibit A. (being the picture above)

And here, just below is exhibit B.








Can you see the profound difference?

Check again a little closer.

70 years ago women were expected to smile, smile, smile! I am so proud of the women before us who zipped their pretty lipstick smeared mouths and just ‘did it’ I would have been stoned if I were one of these wives.

I am not trying to say that women have made no progress in the world.

We have.

We now have options.

We can go to work and earn our own money.

We can also….umm….

Well we now have permission to have meltdowns.

We are allowed to be a little late with dinner.

We don’t have to have spotless houses and children.

There is no need for continual make-up touch ups and no longer do we carry hair spray in our handbags.

We don’t have to wear aprons?……

This is good for me, because I simply cannot find one to flatter my figure.


It is a little funny the reality of it. I mean who doesn’t want a clean house? Who doesn’t wish they had the time to put on perfect make-up every single day? Why wouldn’t you want clean happy kids? I know I’d love to look spotless not to mention flawless all the time.

So really what have we achieved?

I mean forgetting the part where men used us as slaves, biological appliances.

Emotional equality.

And that’s pretty big, I like that I can throw a tantrum and I like to complain. I don’t mind being lazy sometimes. I like being able to cry helplessly while washing piles of dishes, I adore handling stinking clothes whilst sobbing incoherently. I like having obscene language I would never dream of voicing running through my head while clearing our sink of soggy cereal and other unknown slop.

Man, the added pressure to smile would be too much.

And then to hand my husband a paper AND listen to HIS daily complaints!……

Has marital murder decreased much?……

We can vote and we don’t have to smile!

YES! That is exactly what I wanted from equality of the sexes.

Why wouldn’t I be happy going to work and earn a whole heap less than my male colleagues?

No, no. I just wanted permission to DO it.  And I just don’t want to smile!

But sigh. We women are odd creatures. We try constantly to keep our houses clean and our husbands happy. We try so hard to have the bestest, smartest, most well dressed children. We try to let everyone see us smile, smile, smile. We’d be proud to say we could ‘do it all’ and now that we have the option, we’d also like to add the title of ‘working mother’ to our ongoing list of achievements.

No wonder we’d like the freedom to have meltdowns!

We’ve done it to ourselves and we most likely won’t stop there. We will all become prime ministers, teachers, doctors, bus drivers and garbage collectors and then we’ll start paying ourselves better, oh yeah and raise children perfectly.

I mean really what else is there left for us to accomplish, we give birth to future generations and raise them, and we take up about 37% of the workforce. The rest of us are stay at home mums, or both at once.

Soon men will be fighting back.

Their primitive instincts to provide are being laughed at.

Perhaps not  literally but we are doing it for ourselves.

I mean I am a huge femenazi (I was called that once) but I do feel sorry sometimes for the little buggers. They are loosing their masculine identity, in the midst of all this ‘women can do anything a man can do’ business.

And we all know that men on the other hand cannot do ‘everything a women does’ so maybe we should call it even and move on?

But anyway, we shall let nature run its course and see what happens. I am just looking forward to the next 70 years. I wonder if we will be looked back on as the ‘desperate housewives’ in a similar way we look back on our ever so strong and slightly docile 1940’s housewife sisters. 

Just remember!

Support the cause!

Don’t smile, go to work, pretend your life is perfect and cry about it all the way!!!

You go girl!

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