I have tried being calm and relaxed. I have tired to think happy peaceful thoughts. I have tried turning up my patient cool.
But it is not working.
I am going to explode!
I currently have 4 limbs -I say currently because the more I think about it the more I am starting to think that if doctors are able to do transplants then a simple ‘plant’ is surely possible. Right? Another arm right here please.- But as I was saying I have 4 limbs and 4 children attached. One to each!
If I were a pop star I’d take to the clippers and shave my head bald and start hitting people with umbrellas. If I were an ogre I’d roar so big and so loud that spittle would spray an entire room, then I’d smash a cake. But since I am not a pop star or an ogre and just little old me, I think I will have to settle with playing dead in the middle of my lounge room floor.
If I can just about block out the pain of childbirth then surely I can withstand being poked in the face with pencils for an hour or so. Or at least trick my mind into thinking it is a therapeutic acupuncture session right?
Is there such a thing as facial acupuncture?
mmm needles in my face. I feel more relaxed already.
I have one child crying, saying ‘MuuuuuUUUuuuuummmm! She won’t play with me!’
Another yelling ‘She’s being mean to meeeeee!’
Bella telling me ‘I’mmmm booooored! I hate this house there is nothing to dooooo, and nothing to eattt! I hate this town, what can I dooooo?!’
And then on top of it all, Molly just has a pointless obnoxious whine to add to the melody of bored unhappy children simply so she’s not left out!
This is not just today, this is every day!
It amazes me how the settled, balanced dynamic within our house changes during school holidays. Bella gets bored on a 2 day weekend, so a 2 week holiday is a horribly long, mind numbing eternity for her and her mood rubs off on everyone!
The first few days are, well should be great! I even look forward to it. I imagine sleep ins, lazy happy days, laughing and playing not worrying about 8.30am drop offs and 3pm pick ups. No fighting daily over socks, teeth and hair brushing or the finding of rotten food left in lunch boxes. But it doesn’t last, its more like devastatingly early wake ups, constant headaches, fighting children who all of a sudden love and adore each other and beg not to be separated the moment I get my ‘mean’ on.
The need for constant activities and stimulation. My kids like 2-3 activities per day so for holidays that’s only like 30-40 things I have to come up with. I’m just not THAT creative or imaginative. What the heck happened to kids imaginations?!
These holidays will be the death of me!
Anyway I think I am over my rant and taken enough deep breaths to prepare for the day to come.
Just please, do not mention anything about the 6 week christmas holidays.
(I’m trying hard to suppress tears over that baby.)