I have been struggling on and off all day to write a post to signify the fact that we received our wedding bands yesterday, I’m very excited about it, but I just cannot for the life of me commit to finishing it, and it doesn’t have the happy vibe I was aiming for.
Simply because I am SO annoyed.
I can not stop thinking about a situation that has been forming for weeks. Its like I’ve been watching storm clouds in the distance getting closer and darker. I’ve been avoiding it but it’s here pelting down on my head.
And it is making me mad.
In my opinion I am a helper, I will and have gone out of my way to help people, be there when I am needed. I’ll listen until the cows come home and add constructive advice if needed. I am NOT a taker, I do not use people. I will admit I am a bit of a loner and like my space. The more I am pushed and pressured the further I will run in the other direction, but as long as it’s a two-way street all is good in the land of ‘Weird Cristie.’
At the same time I don’t like to be used as a door mat, walked all over. I am in no way shape or form a push over and I speak my mind. I won’t smile and giggle and pretend everything is fine when it is clearly not.
I like people because I like people. I do not need other motives. I don’t need reasons beyond ‘want’ to do a single thing.
As difficult as it is for me to trust someone, I trust someone until I have good reasons not too.
And I make sure I have good reasons.
It seems to me that people get annoyed with other people’s success. People are annoyed when someone is happier or doing more than others. I do not need people like this in my life trying to sabotage my happiness or what they see as my ‘success’ I would prefer people who are happy for me, who I can equally be happy for in return at the right times.
Give AND take.
Back AND forth.
My skin is flushed, I’m picking at my nails, and I am annoyed. I feel angry and mad that I have been made to feel like this because I was happy. Because I love my children, I love Glen, because I love my family and because I was happy doing what I do.
I am mad because I shouldn’t be mad. I should still be happy, happy with everything, my family, my life, my pregnancy.
I am mad that I couldn’t write a happy meaningful post today. I am mad that you reading this now may think it is all about you.
Well guess what?! The world does not revolve around one person.
But for just one little moment, for me and my little family it did.
The world was all ours.
A world of happiness.
Which I guess is why you felt the need to ruin it.
Because it wasn’t about you anymore.
Well I will let you know right now that happiness comes to those who deserve, those who work hard to be honest, loyal and trustworthy, those free of guilt and jealousy.
We will have our little world of happiness again soon.
Take a step back and look at the bigger picture for a moment.
Your not always in it.