There is so much going on in our world at the moment, tsunamis, earthquakes, the proud killings of unarmed mass murderers, the ongoing poverty and the always present starvation of helpless children, not only in third world countries, that really the last thing I should be doing is shopping.
I’m the kind of person who can sometimes think on things too deeply, which I think began almost ten years ago. I had my beautiful first baby daughter Bella, I came home when she was 4 days old. I turned on the telly to sit and nurse my baby and all I could find on the television were images of buildings being blown up. At first I was shocked and thought what a horrible accident it was and then I started seeing more and more footage, two planes two buildings?
It was September 11, 2001.
I cried. I was almost 17, looking at the perfect baby I had brought into such an imperfect world. I was quite devastated. Becoming a parent gives us a different perspective on everything as it is, but for me so young to come home and see such hatred and devastation, what have I brought my baby into? I felt utterly horrible.
Bella has practically been a living breathing measuring stick for the war on terror. I will never forget that day and I will never forget the people lost, the people saved and the people who gave their lives trying to save more.
I am just so glad that we live in a place like Australia where we still have the freedom to do such meaningless things such as shop and pretend that the horrors that occur daily are but stories on the news.
So today I shopped.
I loved it!
To say I didn’t would be like admitting that I was not in fact a human female but an alien of some kind!
And to be honest I really did need to. With only 8 weeks left until Buddy’s due date and the fact that I like to have everything prepared for hospital at least 5 weeks before D-day I thought why not now?
With every baby I have bought myself a brand new comfy pair of pajamas, its like a little ‘good job’ gift I give to myself and its so nice to give birth and after all that hard work hop into a fresh new pair of pjs! I also needed underwear. Desperately. Anyone who knows me, knows I’ve been saying I have needed to get some for months, I’m talking like 12-15 months! I was down to 3 pairs and there was so little left of them that they could barely be called underwear.
They were more like under-where?
Truth be told, I had an awesome time! Glen took Violet and Molly for a stroll so Sophie and I could browse peacefully. I don’t often buy anything for myself, the last thing I bought myself was this –
It has all my girls names on it and also Buddy’s (let’s hope we’re not surprised with a girl!) I haven’t taken it off since the day it arrived!
So while feeling completely guilty I was also relishing in being completely selfish!
Oh how evil! Me, all about me!
I still did my usual thing and hung to the discounted items and 20% off stuff but I did splurge just a little on this-
It cost me $55 down from $69. I haven’t had a black jacket for a couple of years now, well any jacket! My last one lasted 5 years and I loved it to death being black I wore it over EVERYTHING, I finally got rid of it thinking that if I did, I would HAVE to buy a new one, but I just never did. My grieving must have finally past because when I saw this little velvet beauty I had to have it! Finally a black jacket. Normally I wouldn’t dream of spending $55 on a single item of clothing but after working it out in my mind, I decided that it was in fact a bargain. If I could love my last black jacket for 5 years then surely I could do the same for this one.
I was getting in the swing of picking things up that were only for me, not for the family and not for the girls and not for Glen, just me. I got a cheap shoulder bag too. The kind that is cheap enough for me not to be worried if crumbs or drink spillages occur. The kind cheap enough to throw on the lounge as I walk in the door. I adore the one I am using because it was a birthday present from Glen, but I do feel bad that I do not take care of it well enough. So now I can whip it out on special ‘child free’ occasions. My new bag also has an added feature. Its sling handle. The kind that gives me BOTH hands while out with the girls.
Which I need.
I didn’t want to leave. I ogled every item carefully, even the ones I knew I would never buy. I felt the textures and absorbed the patterns. Breathing in the new-ness. Shopping for my girls and others I love is always fun, but shopping for me?
Such a guilty pleasure.
I never wanted it to end!
As selfish as I was I could not pass these up-
$15 each and winter is approaching, all their thongs and sandals are getting ratty and we’re going home next month and we’re told it’s quite cold. (I have an excuse for everything!) But they are so funky! I was only a little upset that they didn’t have Molly’s little size. I bought these big enough to look a little like flippers until they grow into them. But I consoled myself with the fact that while Molly is the smallest person in our house, she almost has more shoes than all of us put together!
So there goes another ignorantly blissful day. I will resume my hopeful wishing and thinking for all those innocently caught up in wars and disasters tomorrow.
But for now I will relish in my new ‘stuff’ and pretend like its important.
REALLY, REALLY, REALLY BIG ones!