Holiday from Hell ~ Week one.

I honestly do not know where to begin, so I think I will just try to recall events, thoughts and feelings from each week, add some random pics taken and some how string it all together. I apologise if I loose you along the way but I personally got lost somewhere back in week two of our ‘holiday’ *ah ahhhh choo nightmare.*

I have a bunch of beautiful people who deserve thanks, BIG fat thanks. I will at the end of these chapters dedicate a special post to them. You already know who you are, but I’ll never be able to thank you enough.

So here we go…..

Once upon a time………………………………..

Ok, so the drive home was awesome, the girls were brilliantly behaved. 16 hours flew by.

Seriously, no jokes!

So we got to my mum’s house around 11pm after a day of driving. She was to babysit our two dogs, Sweedie and Bones for the 5 weeks. She of course had been ‘preparing’ for our arrival downing a few beverages. I didn’t care, I was just glad to see a familiar face! I was happy to see mum and listen to her slurred recounts on the argument she and her BF Ozzie had just had over a tattoo gun. ‘He just doesn’t respect my decision, I just don’t want to use anyone elses tattoo gun, I want to get my own!’ she blubbered. ‘Mum,….that would NOT be a wise decision.’ Internally I laughed, firstly about what consititues as a reasonable topic of argument for some and secondly, imagining the ‘art’ that would forever be imprinted on my mother’s forehead after a night on the drinkies!!!

Oh how I’d missed her, but it was time to leave once the drunk tears started. So we piled the girls into the car at almost 1am, mind you they were excited and full of beans running around mum’s front yard. We arrived at our rented townhouse and put them to bed, had a coffee with Gwenda, Glen’s mum who’d be bunking with us for the week and went to bed!

The next day it all started, it was Saturday and my wedding was but 8 sleeps away. Being in an entirely different state to the one we were getting married in meant there was only so much I could do and organise from afar and over the phone, so off to meet the photographer, try on dresses, gather decorations for the reception, order helium balloons, talk meat with the butcher, shop for drinks, nibbles and food for the reception, oh yeah and I was 10 sleeps from giving birth so chuck in a few ante-natal appointments too!

I was hating everything!

Even Glen.

I was a tad worried. I mean I figured I’d liked him for 3 years so surely disliking him a little due to stress and pregnancy hormones for a week was allowed…?? I was cranky because I had so much to do but none of it was really anything I could delegate to anyone else, so I was annoyed that Glen was having a leisurely holiday and I was not, I was up at the crack of dawn with the girls, my back aching and exhausted from the insomnia I suffer from at the beginning and end of pregnancy, then I’d get them all ready and head out the door to organise what needed to be done, or plan to meet who needed to be met or catch up with family.

One of the biggest issues we had was with the wedding cake. Personally I didn’t mind if we didn’t have a cake. I know its traditional and I know that people who go to a wedding expect cake. Maybe it is the ONLY reason people actually go to weddings.

For the cake.

Well, the cake. My mum decided to take on cake duty. (I know its starting to sound like a mum bashing but it’s not, I like my mum, I think she is cute. In an awww…the poor dear type way.) So she told me she would take care of the cake, not me tell her, SHE told ME…months ago she would take care of the cake.

So I did not do a thing about the cake. She had many brilliant ideas, she would tell them to me every time we were on the phone. She had planned one large cake, and then lots of little cupcakes. She did get offended when I mentioned that I didn’t really want an orange flavoured cake as the main cake and that something like chocolate which is fairly popular would be better, and that perhaps she could have vanilla, orange and strawberry flavoured cupcakes? I think this is where she decided to make it hard for me. I asked her about the cake when we arrived and she said it was all organised so I didn’t worry about the cake, mid-week I asked her about the cake and she said she knew what she was doing, so I didn’t worry about the cake. Friday I asked her about the cake. “I’m going to woolies and buying some mudcakes and I’ll squash them together into a love heart shape and use a cookie cutter on the left overs, and I’ll get a Marge and Homer Simpson bride and groom, it’s so you.’

Did my eyeballs pop out of my head?

I don’t know.


I would have accepted that cake. I would have been happy that my mum was happy, I would have proudly displayed that cake and told anyone who cared to ask ‘My mum made it for us.’ And been glad she’d gone to the effort.

My sister Nicole however had told me about a little bakery down the jetty and MADE me go have a look. OH MY GOD, the cakes were stunning, in looks and taste. I picked out 3 beautiful cakes, total? $100. I ordered them. I was pleased we’d be able to offer a beautiful and artful cake selection at our reception but as we walked out I felt liked I’d stabbed my mum in the back.

Luckily she announced the next day (day before the wedding) that she wasn’t doing anything for a cake now. She did want to ‘chuck in’ though and when I suggested $50 and that we could go halves…..

Her eyes fell out of HER head.

(still waiting…..)

Another mum dilemma? Her dress.

We’d realised that Nicole and I would need a little extra coverage under our dresses. Just a tad see through, so off we went to specifically buy old granny petty coats. (I tried to make it sound like they were for the elderly…sadly I already own some and sadly, sadly, yes I actually wear them.)Gwenda and Fi joined us, I NEED to ge the pics from that outing, they involve a heavily pregnant me, trying on petty coats OVER my clothes, in public. We had a ball……..  No one was going to see our knickers on the wedding day, later mum tried her dress, she removed her bra to do so. I did mention to her that it was a barefoot wedding.

But that did not mean barefoot AND braless!


Anyway we realised her dress too was a little too sheer. The look on her face when I asked her to wear a slip under it was pure and utter disgust.

‘We can see your undies mum.’ Nicole and I protested.

‘I just won’t wear any undies then.’ Mum replied.

‘Everyone will see your butt crack!’ (Seriously, they would.)

‘I’ll just duct tape it.’ She has an answer for everything!

I was a tad hurt when she didn’t mention anything like they do in the movies; like ‘you just look so beautiful, my daughter, all grown up.’ *tear* when she saw me in my dress, she was too busy checking out how slim she looked in HER dress. Well it was pretty, I picked it out and bought it for her. She did look good.

Ok so she didn’t follow through on her promise of a cake, she did keep her word on the cheap wine. She didn’t however keep aside a bottle for me for when I was able to have a glass.

Can you tell that I am slightly hurt? Maybe a little annoyed?

Yeah I am. The difference between the mum I knew 18 months ago and the one I have now is shocking. I considered her an alcoholic back then, but I don’t know what to call her now. Its bad. She is so self obsessed. Well it’s not even that she’s obsessed with drinking, its like a toxic love affair she is having. It disgusts me and makes me not even want to drink the very small amount I do!

Her liver will fail soon. How can it not?! She lives in a golden liquid world. My sister and I have had many a sad discussion about the day we get a phone call to say she’s no longer with us. We will cry, not from heartache, not from shock but from guilt.

We know she has a problem and we choose not to say anything, well actually we have mutually agreed not to. She is past the point of help. We should have stopped her years ago when she was drinking while pregnant with our baby brother and sister, we should have stopped her years ago when she’d head to the pub every night. I don’t know how we could have, but we should have.

Anyway, my mums an alcoholic.

Nobody’s perfect.


Happy,…………So I got to spend time with my adorable niece Lilly. There must be some primitive instinct that requires sisters to love their siblings children as much as their own, you know, in case of accidents. Because I could quite easily bring her home and treat her as my own, she’s awesome and so unique, she gives off a really free, vintage vibe. Plus she’s a little naughty which is irresistible. Her massive blue eyes and soft brown curls, little fat thighs. She has the cutest gaps between her teeth and so cheekily grins while doing a raspy fake laugh ‘he he he’

I cannot describe how much I’ve missed my sister and Lilly, Matt my baby brother (who, mind you is at least a head taller than me!) Such beautiful, independent, switched on people.

Like I said, I am all over the place with this! Back to my week, it was busy and hectic, I was feeling fat and tired (which I said at one stage while talking to my brother’s girlfriend. Nicole, Matt, Glen’s mum and my best friend Naomi were all present suddenly went silent. ‘Did you say F*#king tired?!’ Nicole blurted shocked. ‘NO!’ I said fat AND tired.’ Everyone had a giggle. They thought I must have been REALLY tired when they heard me say what they thought they heard me say considering I never swear!)

So we arrived Saturday 11th of june and our week ended the following Saturday, the day before our wedding. Nicole had booked me in for a manicure and a pedicure that morning, which I desperately needed, not only because my nails were terrible but because I really, REALLY needed some attention and pampering. Gwenda, Nicole and I went out for breakfast, I had pancakes. I was getting quite a few good contractions and I was praying that I didn’t go into labour until AFTER my manicure at least!

Well I didn’t go into labour thank goodness, I got my manicure and pedicure (my toes STILL look cute.) The rest of the afternoon Nicole and I spent rushing around, confirming details and picking up bits and pieces for the wedding the following morning. We got home and Glen left and headed out to Bellingen to spend the night with his brother Mark, who was over from England, his dad and his uncle. Naomi (BFF) Nicole, the girls and I had dinner together, (I apparently was ‘mean’ and ‘high strung’ which I normally am not, I was also getting some darn good contractions, which I kept passing off as braxton hicks.) We did the girls nails and got their hair do’s done. I shaved my legs for the first time in god knows how long (so did my sister, she’s single, I’m in a long-term relationship…why am I explaining myself?!)

I then went to bed and couldn’t sleep.

Thats the end of week one, stay tuned for week two of the holiday from hell!

(little teaser… probably already know but week two was wedding, baby and…..other stuff, I’m sure. I’ll have to cast my mind back. I must have mentally blocked it all out FOR A REASON!)

Good night!


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