Dear Barry;

Dear Barry,

Firstly, I know you won’t read this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So why should I bother writing this to you? Because I have better things to be doing, other things I am trying to write, but I cannot. The only thing composing itself in my mind is this letter to you.

You confuse me.

I can’t decide whether I love you or hate you.

I need to get this out, out of my mind and into the universe to be soaked up amongst everyone elses anguished thoughts. I know I am not alone, but that knowledge doesn’t make me feel any less lonely. I don’t know why you do what you do.

I don’t know if it would help any if I knew the reasons.

I have many millions of questions for you, but my main ones would be; why don’t you want to know who I am? What did I do that was so wrong?

Now that I have my own children I know the magnitude of the choices you have made. To turn your back and walk the opposite direction as your own flesh and blood. It would devastate me and I simply wouldn’t be able to do it. I sometimes hope that you have reasons I cannot even begin to imagine.

I think if you knew who I was, the way I raised myself, the way I decided to be; I think maybe you would be proud and like mum want to steal some credit. You really don’t know what you’re missing. My kids are amazing, they light people up from the inside and maybe that is what you need. I think it is what you need, but I do understand that it is not what you want.

I really don’t know how to explain to you the loss that I feel.

I know I will never get my answers and I know that you will never read this. But for now, I feel like I have said what I needed to.

Just know my door is always open just a smidge, I will let you back in if that’s what you genuinely wanted. I won’t hold my breath however, as I’ve done it before and I almost suffocated.

Your eldest daughter Cristie.

3 thoughts on “Dear Barry;

  1. he is the lonely one Cristie. He is missing out massivly. He’ll look back one day and go “what have i done with my life” Nothing will come to mind.

  2. Hi Cristie – I don’t know your dad or really the circumstances – but I truly believe that you should send the letter to your father -it may not make any difference – but you never know! I really don’t understand how any parent can turn their back on their child/children – there is no way on earth that I could do it and I would be devasted if any of my kids didn’t want anything to do with me! Chantel has just severed all ties with Ray and the others after some stuff that happened yesterday, her Ben’s family is not much chop either – so they only have me basically – it’s so sad, when like you they have beautiful children to share with everyone. I love all ov my grandchilden – they are all unique and each one has a special quality and I wouldn’t want to miss out on any of them. I just wish that they were all closer so that I could see them more often! I really enjoyed my time with your girls recently – it was lovely for me to have them to myself – they were all so good – no trouble at all and an absolute pleasure to be with! I can’t wait to see you all again! You know that you are a beatiful person and have done a fantastic job with the kids – you should be very proud – and I am very proud and honoured to have you as a daughter-in-law and the mother of my grandchildren! Take care, love Gwenda

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