I had planned to get out of the house alone yesterday, that didn’t happen. The day before that I had said to Glen, whilst Molly was throwing a tantrum and Buddy was screaming and I think the bigger girls could have possibly fighting that;
“tomorrow I need to go out alone for a few hours.”
I got questions like “why?” and “where are you going to go?”
“Silence.” And “Somewhere quiet.”
Glen’s response was
“How about our garage?”
(We’ll pretend he NEVER said that.)
So I was quite excited, I got up thinking I’d have a little clear thinking space. A moment to let my brain stretch its wings in the heavenly silence and that it would take flight and give me amazing thoughts and ideas (as it sometimes does when given the chance.)
I had planned to grab my camera, my lap top a pen and a notepad. I was going to take my array of working equipment to our newly opened sub way, grab a mango smoothie and sit on the shaded breezy deck overlooking the abstract beauty that is coal trains and road trains on the Capricorn highway.
I was going to write a post, as I haven’t had a chance lately. I was also going to use that time to write a letter to a friend of mine who took the time to write me one. It is one of the kindest things anyone has done for us. Take time out of their precious day to sit and think about us and write a letter. In ink! I wanted to give her the same in return. I wanted that quiet to sit and giggle stupidly to myself while I focused totally on strolling down memory lane as I’d been reminded of a few of our little adventures which sadly, if I’d not been reminded, those times would have been buried deep under a bunch of pointless musings and to do lists.
I wanted to have some cute pics of my mobile working station. (I say working in the sense that I take pride in my blog and I ‘work’ hard on it, it is my ‘job’ other than mothering that I really enjoy. But no, I do not get paid for either.) I wanted to tempt you with a yummy photo of my smoothie. Perhaps a black and white of my hand written letter. Some shots of the rather large traffic that drives by at intervals.
But I didn’t get a chance.
Between washing dishes, sweeping floors, breakfasts, morning teas, lunches and afternoon teas, between breast feeds and nappy changes, washing, hanging, folding and putting away clothes and towels and bed sheets, cuddling kids after scraped knees, bumped heads, pulled hair, between playing dress ups and calling out ‘ready, set, GO’ to little running girls numerous times, chasing dogs out to the yard from our patio…..*sigh*
The day just ran away from me.
I had half an hour before Bella was due home from school. Half an hour alone in the mind of me, passes like half a minute.
The moment I have silence, my head is flooded with all the things I haven’t been able to think, I must look so dopey walking around in public with a blank look while I just think. I must also look rude, I do everything possible to avoid being distracted by people wanting to chit-chat. Normally I wouldn’t mind, but ‘I’m on limited alone time person! And all I want is to be ALONE.’
It wasn’t enough time and I admit I was a bit down. I’d really looked forward to it. So instead I decided we would still go out. WE all went and got a drink and I got my smoothie, we went to the park together and played and laughed and swung from swings. Climbed stuff we couldn’t get down from and fell over. We got prickles as we tried to roll down a grassy hill, we then, like always, were busting to go to the toilet, which happened to be locked. So we held on for as long as humanly possible until we finally left. We stopped off at home for a toilet break then to the movie shop to pick up something new.
We came home and watched and played and showered and ate.
Then we went to bed.
So my plans didn’t work out the way I had wanted them to. But our unplanned plans were quite nice too.
That was yesterday, this is
I got out, I went to check out our second-hand shop and pick up a few pits and pieces, 8 bucks worth. I then came to the fanciest place in our town.
The coal centre. It even sounds fancy. Not.
I went to get my tempting smoothie but subway was so packed that I changed my mind VERY quickly, I didn’t want to waste my sweet yet brief time alone standing inline for a 97% fat-free (highly unlikely) smoothie.
So I found a quiet spot, no not on the shaded breezy deck as I had planned, but well, you see….this is my view.
I wrote my friend her letter, which I enjoyed so much, it may make no sense at all, and I had no spell check option but I think I did ok. I did not exceed my 1 page limit which I was worried I would do and totally bore her!
I then considered wandering around to check how busy subway was before opening up my laptop but changed my mind. It was 11.55am, lunch time is going to be way busier, so I am drinkless, typing away while listening to someone elses child cry.
I feel so free right now, as boring as that must sound. But my mind can do as it wishes. I adore being a mum, it is something that I love and I do well. It is my profession and thank goodness I enjoy it.
In saying that, sometimes I need time off. And I love it!
If I were here with my little family I’d be in a constant hawk mode. Watching every little move every one of my kids makes, and it must be subconscious, I don’t realise how switched on I am when they are around, I do notice it however if I bump into someone I know and am distracted for just a moment, they know. And they take advantage.
They run, they swing each other around they giggle like mad and nearly run into people, people usually stop to giggle at them!
The minute I am done, they know it too and immediately they switch back into ‘inline’ mode.
If they were here I’d be saying things like ‘sit down.’ ‘don’t touch.'”Stop eating sugar sachets.’ ‘don’t stand on chairs.’ “come back here.’ ‘go over there’ ‘You need to pee now?!’ ‘don’t spill your drink.’
And that’s only to Glen!
I am trying to fight the nagging in my mind saying ‘you should hurry what if they need you…?’
I’m fighting it hard with things like “as long as they are all ALIVE when I return, then that is enough.” And surely they will be…?
I should stop thinking this stuff now.
Enjoy the alone time.
A smoothie would be so great right now…perhaps I’ll go see how busy they are now?….
ok, I am back, I got my smoothie and relocated to the breezy shaded deck! This is the life. I am hoping that all the people eat their delicious smelling food quickly and leave so I can take a few pictures. I think I may look odd taking photos of my drink and the surroundings without being questioned.
So my plans over the last couple have days have pretty much revolved around me. And I admit that I don’t have any problems being selfish sometimes. If I’m not occasionally I know I would go mad. I can parent better with a clear head. It takes me only a short space of time to get back my balance. Then I am good to go non stop for the next 2 months. At least.
Well I just missed an awesome shot of a green tractor with a pink slasher thing on the back driving along the highway and a coal train. My smoothie is getting lower and lower…thats it. I’m taking a picture of it. How weird would people think I am doing that? Certainly too weird to come question me?
Darn it, missed a road train!
Anyway, moral to my story? Well there really isn’t one except that mum’s are important. Important to the little and big ones we have. If we aren’t sane and happy then how can we give happiness to anyone else?
I’m loving my unplanned plans that revolve around no one but me.
I know that when I get home after these few hours out I’ll have been missed which they will express which then I will feel appreciated which sometimes it is nice to be reminded that I am.
I’m missing them too and I know I’ll be an awesome mum today.
Just because I got out.
I got to be me for a moment.
And now I can go home and love them all the best that I can.
Be selfish mums!
Seriously the best thing you can do for yourself and your family.