Dreaming. I repeat; Dreaming.

I used to have this reoccurring dream when I was younger. I haven’t had it for a few years now and sometimes I wonder what in my life has changed for it to stop happening.

I miss my odd dream I feel close to it, and I know it off by heart and occasionally I think about it in my waking hours so I guess in some ways it is still reoccurring.

I’d love to have it properly interpreted one day, I’ve gotten lots of dream books over the years but none of them are consistent and I’ve found with dreams sometimes the emotions felt are more important than the images you see.

So want to hear it?

I’ll take that as a yes.

Here goes…..

I’m a little girl sitting quietly in the middle of the back seat of my grandfather’s (Dar’s) beige landcruiser its immaculate despite being an old model. The lack of any kind of tinting on the windows allows full sunlight right in. In front of me I see my nan in the passenger’s seat and my Dar is driver. I physically cannot turn to look out the left side at all. In my peripheral I see white. Nothing but white, its like that side of the world does not exist.

To the right is a forest.

I feel quiet yet anxious. My hands in my lap.

Suddenly I look through the front window and all I can see is the road.

Raising right up in front of the car. We stop. A wall which is road stops us. It’s grey with perfectly marked white lines. I turn slowly in my seat and peer out the back window. Raging fires block our path back.

I see myself, a frightened little girl with silent determination etched into her face peeping from over the back seat looking at me.

She looks afraid but firm.

I blink and I am now myself again standing by the car. My grandparents whose faces I never saw; are gone. The white is still there to my left. Half of my world gone, the road takes up all the view to the front of me, behind me is flames. The only path open is into the trees. I look at them in awe.

They seem so inviting and cartoon like, the vivid colours, uniform chocolatey brown trunks, spearmint coloured foliage, glittering like they’re coated in sugar. The grass looks fresh and cool. The shadowy depths call.

I begin to walk into the trees. A cool damp silence. A calm peaceful feeling cuddles me as I walk through, the trunks are smooth and cool, not one leaf litters the floor.

I hear a trickling babble.

I walk towards it, and quite suddenly I come out into a small clearing. In the centre a pond. No running water makes me nervous. It is mirror like and beautiful, framed with perfectly round polished grey stones.

I step closer, I hear a noise and turn around curious.

I walk back into the trees and before me stands a little green alien man. He looks up at me with a sad face. I feel complete calm. He turns slowly to reveal that he has a second face on the back of his head. Panic fills my belly and I run away. I enter the pretty clearing again and stop for a moment.

I spin looking around for the little green man but he is gone. I see myself again looking down from up above. I watch as I turn and turn fear in the girls eye, searching and searching, slowly she calms, and I am me again.

I walk toward the pond, that crystal mirror like pond.

I kneel and lean over the edge while hearing the eerie trickling of still waters.

I calmly stare down at my reflection.

Again I’m looking down from high above watching my younger self. Panic stricken as I realise the reflection staring back is actually that of the green man.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I would always wake from this dream more confused than afraid. What does it all mean? I am convinced it does mean something to me on a deeper level.

I had it so many times for it to be a simple in flight movie, just to pass my sleeping hours. Every time I had the dream the little girl me was always the same but the me who viewed my younger self was my current age and looks.

I can’t pinpoint when I stopped having this dream. I wish I could as it may be a little piece to my puzzle.

I had this dream so often that I had to create a dream which I could distract myself with as I would close my eyes and always be walking back into that cartoon like forest. I’d close my eyes and allow myself to go back into the trees but instead of coming out into the clearing where the pond was I would imagine a beautiful old tree thousands of years old, gnarled and full of character laden with stunning orange and purple blossoms. This one ancient chocolatey tree sprinkled with vibrant blooms in the midst of a cool and shady forest, golden sunlight filtering down through the canopy only to highlight its magnificent presence.

I felt so tiny and insignificant looking upon it. I never went any closer than the tree line to see it up close. I always stood peering over the large roots at the edge.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I still sometimes have to close my eyes and focus on that awesome imaginary tree when I close my eyes after waking from a nightmare.

I’ve done it since I was very little.

It calms me down instantly.

Dreams are such interesting things, you can go to places you’ve never thought possible. You can do things that are amazing.

There has to be a reason to dreaming.

I only wish I knew what it was.

Sweet dreams.

 

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