She and Him

She lays alone breathing deeply, lets her eyes close. Before her, the man who haunts her dreams. His sapphire eyes smiling at her, his mischievous grin, that chipped tooth that she always thought made him all the more handsome. A slight smile curls her lips. She sighs and opens her eyes, the image of him wavers and fades and again he never was.

Again she’s empty inside.

She remembers the precise moment years and years ago when she first met him. When their eyes met her soul ignited. When time paused just for them, her mind etched every piece of him into her memory. Her heart’s rhythm changed that day and she will never forget it.

She and him spent days, months and years. Spent them like millionaires, they didn’t think about tomorrow. Carefree and wasteful. They never imagined they’d ever be apart, they just knew, felt it in their bones that they’d just always be. She and him had a dramatic, painful kind of love, a desperate and tragic love. Some tried to stop them, but they’d always find a way. He’d write her silly songs to make her feel better, and she’d listen near to tears. She still imagines she was the only one he’d written songs for.

She and Him planned a future full of childish dreams.

As time went by the universe began to pull them apart. It wasnt people, it was the way of the world that pulled them each in opposite directions. There were bigger, badder things than people trying to prise them apart. She felt like she was clawing away at unseen forces, while ghosts and hidden ropes ripped at her skin pulling and dragging her away from her love. She’d reach and groped at nothing but air, screaming in silence, while crying inside.  He tried to save her once. He asked her to go with him, he wanted her to be with him, he cried, he begged. ‘Just please come with me.’ She tried to be strong, she tried to be brave, she tried to look after herself. She said no when she desperately wanted to cry yes!

He left her there. He left her there in tears, she’d broken her own heart and she knew it. Deep down she thought he’d come back. She and him were meant to be. Always. She thought he’d fight her and make her go with him. She thought he’d pick her up and steal her away. Steal her away from the hell she’d created.

She waited.

She waited years for him to come save her.

He never came for her. Why didn’t he come for her? She didn’t get a chance to say good-bye, she thought they’d always be. She wanted a chance to remember what it felt like when he walked away for good. To remember him turning his back and walking away from her. She felt robbed, he’d taken part of her with him. She gave him her heart, her soul, her very being. She was left in turmoil and confusion her loss was great and selfishly he’d kept a part of her for himself. Never again would she offer all she had left.

Alone she waited for so long. Finally she knew he would never come for her. She searched to replace the pieces he’d stolen, sometimes she thought she’d found a piece close to fitting only to be haunted by his ghost and whispers that tore her apart in the night, reminding her of the one who had it all. Finally she made a promise and accepted a ring, a small gold ring. She thought she was almost at peace, she was almost whole. She’d pretend not to notice when his eyes watched her from the corner of her dreams. She’d make her self forget his burning skin, it was like a drug she craved but knew was bad.

Out of the blue. He found her.

Did he know he was close to losing her forever? Why now? Why? She wanted him to leave but needed him to stay.

She and him spent just one day.

After so many years, she was whole again, she didn’t think of tomorrow only right now, her childish dreams were within reach again. He sang to her like he used to. He held her and she knew he was meant to be a part of her. He brought with him the missing pieces he’d stolen. His eyes were more magnificent, his smile warm. His skin, she’d never forgotten it, was just as she remembered as if it were yesterday.  She and him were at peace. In the moment. She woke in the morning and looked over his sleeping body, his ink-stained back. She fought back tears, she knew he would go. And he’d take her pieces with him, for as long as he is breathing they would always belong to him.

She and him embraced. She knew this time was good-bye. She told him she loved him, she told him she always had and always will. He held her like he didn’t want to let go.

He let go.

He turned and walked away.

She never forgot how he turned his back on her and walked away.

She felt for that moment in his arms there was nothing she would ever need. She was the richest person in that small space of time. She knew she wouldn’t, she knew she couldn’t have that again. She broke her promise and gave back her small gold ring.

She waited.

She waited for him.

She’d been waiting since the day she was born, and she’ll still be waiting as she takes her last breath of life. She knows he’ll never forget her, her name is a part of him, just as the pain of him leaving her will always be a part of her.

She and him were meant to just be.

Why didn’t he come back for her?


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