And feeling guilty about it.
So what have I been doing the last few weeks?
First of all I spend a great deal of possible sleeping hours on my blog. I love it and I’m passionate about it and I most likely won’t stop anytime soon.
I’ve also been working on designing and making a range of kids clothes called ChocMelon, (just want it eat it don’t you?) I planned to name each range something delicious inspired by the colours I’ll be using. I then would have a style in each colour inspired by each of my kids. Ie, Sophie-princess/glam, Violet-boho/surfer chick, Bella- retro/vintage and so on. I also want to create some funky dolls too. I used to make them by hand but it took hours, I assume a sewing machine can help with production time.
I’ve been throwing storylines for some kids books around in my head. Also been going over a children’s story I wrote nearly 2 years ago now to tweak it to perfection and give it an ending which it currently has not got.
I have not had a chance to put any of that on paper as yet.
And then the normal things like cleaning, cooking and let’s not forget my babies!
My day begins around 7ish with making breakfast and Bella’s school lunch. I then skull a coffee while I check out Facebook, reply to emails and possibly type in a heading for a post I don’t want to forget about writing while trying to wake up. If Buddy’s hungry I may feed him while I’m at it. Once the kiddies are all dressed and Bella’s off to school the girl’s head out to the back yard while I feed and change and play with Buddy. Next it’s kitchen cleaning and I then head downstairs for my treadmill time. I watch the girls on their bikes or we put on some music and they have a dance off. Once I’m done it’s morning tea time. I stick a load into the machine and one onto the line before heading upstairs and this is usually when the girls have ‘animal’ races. Ready, Set, Go cows…and they moo and crawl along the lawn. I make their lunch and feed and change Buddy. After the kids have eaten I have a shower with an audience. We then before lunch do some reading, or crafts of some kind, painting, playdough or colouring in are favorites.
We have lunch and I’ll pick up toys and tidy while they eat. Once they are done it’s Molly’s nap time she’ll have an hour and a half. So this is rest time for everyone. Sophie and Violet will sit quietly and watch some ABC 2 or a movie, I now have lunch and hang out with Buddy while he has a nudie kick, I then bath him, feed him and put him down for his afternoon sleep. In the 15 minutes quiet time overlap I’ll check out Facebook again and possibly write the first paragraph of the post I don’t want to forget.
After rest time is when I try to do some kind of baking with the girls or catch up on washing that needs to be done while they play in the yard. I also try to clean their rooms, vacuum if needed and possibly mop. Bella arrives home and has afternoon tea, changes out of her uniform, does some homework or usually pesters me because she’s bored. Once it starts getting darker we’ll head upstairs and I’ll attempt to fold and put away the growing pile on my bed room floor.
5.30ish I’ll begin dinner and make lunch for Glen to take to work the following day. I also check Facebook and emails while dinner is cooking and the bigger kids are showering.
Glen arrives home at 7ish just as the girls are finishing dinner. He helps me to read to them, play round and round the garden or little piggies, say goodnight and tuck them in. It’s now about 7.45ish I heat dinner for Glen and I and we eat together, chat and muck around. Then I shower and then he showers and then our day is officially over. We may chat in bed or talk to Buddy who likes to keep us up with his cuteness. I try not to stay up late typing in bed on Glen’s work nights, unless I have something I am compelled to write.
I tuck Buddy up into his bed so I can get a few hours sleep, when he wakes he hops into bed with me and sleeps with us for the rest of the night because I am too lazy and its easier to feed him in bed.
Then its 7ish again and it all begins again.
(There are probably a few more nappy changes and feeds in there and Molly’s in toilet training but still in nappies. And I know for a fact I go to the fridge ten million more times than mentioned!)
So when Glen is off from work I try to fit in as much as possible. When he is at work and I decide to concentrate on my own things and what I want to do, the house is disgusting and I feel horrible for not spending enough time with the kids. If I spend all my time with my kids, the house is neglected, If I spend the day cleaning, my kids are neglected.
Sometimes I feel like I just can’t win.
So when Glen’s home I try to clean, I try to spend time with the family AND I try to write, make, create, draw, sew, photograph, exercise and in general do all the things a I am passionate about but feel bad for doing.
It’s horrible. Before I know it it’s time to start dinner, I have projects coming out my ears, none of which are finished and I feel like I have wasted a day rushing around, stressing myself out with all the things ‘I’ve got to do’ and yet not one single thing has been completed. I get so deeply distracted and spend a lot of time within my own head, working things out step by step, who I’ll do this and how I’ll do that.
I sometimes end up having sleepless nights because I cannot switch off, or I will just stay up to do what I couldn’t during the day.
I can honestly say I work far better under pressure and with a pile sleep deprivation hovering around my head.
But I know when enough is enough and I think it is now.
I need to stop. Take a breath. Calm down. Get my fantasy filled head to slow down and hang around with my feet which I feel are firmly planted on the ground for a while.
I’ll pull out a pen and paper write down each and everything I want/need to do and take it one step at a time.
I need my balance to come back, at full speed if possible.
I’m ambitious to say the least. Sometimes I feel like my body is just too slow for all the things I need to do.
I think it is good for my girls and Buddy to see that life is not just playing mums and dads and happy families, there is so much more out there and there is so much we are capable of if only we take it on a give ourselves a chance to succeed.
I also want them to know it is possible to do and be what you want and be balanced too.
Just takes a little work.
My girls love to get involved in all my little schemes and plans and I know they are learning a lot, I share with them everything I know. I hope more importantly that I am showing them that if they think it can be done that mostly likely it can be done. That if they want to do something, that really there is nothing stopping them.
So whats my plan of attack? How am I going to get all aspects of my life, kids, family, house, and ME back into balance???
Like I usually do.
I’m going to hide away, focus on everything that is important to me and take it one step at a time.
First I will switch off my computer. For 7 days.
Second I will put away all my projects.
Third I will turn up the music loud and clean my house.
Fourth I will spend copious amounts of time on my kids and husband.
Fifth I will sleep.
Sixth I will spend a little time out to get my plans back into a sensible manageable order.
And finally I will breathe deep, smell the roses and remember that tomorrow is ALWAYS another day and not everything will happen right now.
Patience, dear Cristie. Patience.
Your time will come.