True colours.

So I’m feeling like I’m at a major turning point in my life. I’m feeling pretty excited about it.

I also feel a little nervous about it.

Nervous why? Because sometimes people don’t like it when someone else is doing more or better than they are.

I’m not saying I’m doing anymore or any better than anyone else but in the eyes of others it sometimes seems so. I don’t like to talk about things I do or want to do or am doing to avoid awkward vibes.

 I know I’m not the only who feels like this.

Jealousy and a competitive nature can be the root of all evil. It can make or break relationships and people can absolutely hate you for it. It is really sad that as humans we were given the powerful emotion that is envy. Think of how much we could get done if we could get past being envious and actually support and genuinely be happy for each other?

Some people do have this quality.

They are genuinely happy and supportive of other people’s successes. I am lucky to have some of these people in my life. In unexpected places too which is all the more comforting.

Though I do also have some of the other kind in my life too.

Just one example, when I began skinny Sundays, in an attempt to lose weight and gain some energy and extend the length and quality of my life I received an out pouring of support and I was very thankful, but as the weeks progressed and I was actually losing weight, the support dwindled away.

Some true colours were shown.

I got support and kind words when I displayed unattractive photos of myself in my underwear but as I started looking better and better the support kind of wasn’t genuine anymore.

One thing about me, if I say I’m going to do something I most likely will.

Sometimes it seems like the worse off someone seems the happier others are.

There is this competitive nature within us that makes us feel the need to rank people from best to worst. From successful to failure. From good to bad. And then to somehow place ourselves in amongst it all and compete to climb that ladder no matter how many people we walk all over to get to the top.

I refuse to play that game.

I jumped off the ladder long ago.

I just don’t want to compete with anyone. I do get annoyed when people try to compete with me however. I don’t want to set anyone elses success as my bench mark to work towards. I don’t want to copy anyone else or do what they do. I like being unique. I like thinking my own thoughts and I like that I have my own brain and can make decisions and create paths and open doors for myself.

I just want to do what I do in peace.

I don’t want to follow anyone and I certainly don’t want to ‘be’ anyone besides myself.

I may think that what some one else is doing is awesome but it doesn’t make me want to run out and do the exact same thing.

I’m an individual, just like you.

My sister has commented before that I am so ‘naturally talented’ I’m good at nearly anything. Besides it not being true it’s also not quite that simple.

It makes me a little annoyed to be honest.

I have worked my butt off.

I still work my butt off.

I work so hard to learn, everything I know, everything I do or have done; I’ve done all on my own.

The effort that goes into doing something sometimes is neglected. I’d be pretty jealous of somone who was ‘naturally’ talented at something I really wanted to do too.

If I do something I want to do it well.

I WANT to succeed at what I do.

I am not ‘naturally’ successful.

Never have I woken up one morning to discover I magically have a new talent or ability. If I wanted a new talent or ability it took time to gain it, lots and lots of time.

As corny as it sounds I plan to be everything that I can be.

I don’t know what that will mean in the long run, but I have a life time to dapple.

Jumping off that ladder means the path  for me is clear, there is no one to rank myself against, I can do anything I want. I have the freedom to go as high as I choose to.

It also gives me the ability to be happy and supportive of those who are successful within their own lives when they make independent choices and succeed.

They aren’t my competition, they are my friends. I love and support them and their happiness involves me. If I got jealous of everyone I know who was smarter, prettier, cooler, funnier, better parent, better partner, richer, more successful….

well I’d be one sad soul.

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So I feel like I’m at a major turning point in my life.

Which is exciting and scary.

I know that when I get to points like this true colours are shown. I lose some friends, I gain some friends, and I find out which ones are there no matter what.

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To those who know exactly what I mean, it can be hard facing the true colours of the ones we love most. Stay strong and follow your dreams. Please don’t let one person hold you back or deter you from being and doing what you want. We really can achieve just about anything, it is just a matter of chosing to go for it rather than sit back and ponder on it. Just do it. Support may come from unexpected places and even if you have no support who cares?! Be who you want, do what you want.

You will always gain more respect following your dreams even if you fail, rather than talking about your dreams and never giving it at least a shot.

And to those who’d like to compete…go ahead. You’ll waste your time struggling along behind because I am not one to stop, and eventually I will forget your there, I don’t look back. I have my own plans and I’ll keep on going, I may fall back, trip or stumble along the way but please know that I’ll always get back up and run along with a smile on my face and a freedom in my heart that can only come from being true to oneself. I suggest you move on and follow your own path as mine takes drive, determination and a whole lot of honesty. I wish you success in your own pursuits.

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I support the supportive, love the loving, share with the sharing.

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2 thoughts on “True colours.

  1. What you say is so true! I feel the same way – life’s too short to worry about what people think and as I get older I get more selfish! Now I really don’t care what people think of what I do – I am doing it for myself. I’m not interested in competing with anyone either – what’s the point? I think that your parents should be very proud of you (I know that’s a sore point) – it’s great that you don’t just go “along with the crowd” like alot of women your age and that you are interested in so many things and achieving goals for your own satisfaction! Keep up the good work!

    1. Thanks Gwenda! Yes I amtired of doing things to make people or happy or NOT doing things for the very same reason especially when most of those people are the same ones who wouldn’t think twice about anyone else if it were them in my position. And thank you again I do think if my parents knew who I was they may be proud. But I am proud of what I am doing and as nice as it would be to have them be a part of it, as long as I’m doing my thing it doesn’t matter. xoxox lots of love! 🙂

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