A post about pooh.

The title should have warned you about what you were getting yourself into!

Now pooh, a totally natural yet disgusting part of being a parent. It doesn’t matter how many kids you have, dealing with pooh is always going to be a part of it.

I’ve sometimes wondered just how much I have dealt with in my time -this would be the second time I’ve thought about it- I do very often wonder how something so little and adorable can create such hellish reeking messes!

Bella got me good when she was a baby. We were staying at my mums house and I’d brought along her port-a-cot for her to sleep in. Suddenly I caught waft of something not so pleasant. The suspense filled jaws tune began in my mind and by the time I opened the door the shrieking psycho soundtrack was blaring in my ears as my eyes -and nose- took in the situation at hand.

Pooh spaghetti.

(such an anti-climax considering the back ground music)

Thats the only way I can describe the way it looked after being mushed through the mesh side of the port-a-cot.

It took some time and some gagging to fix the mess?….such an insignificant word.

And here I was thinking it was some weird accident. Some freak happening. She couldn’t, WOULDN’T have done THAT on purpose?!

Surely.

It was a case of fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? shame on me.

Shame, shame, shame, shame shame.

After incident number ‘two’ I went shopping. I bought lots and lots of tights. I’d put her nappy on backwards then pull tight tights all the way up to her armpits.

Unattractive yet very effective.

Sophie came along and I was totally prepared for the ‘pooh’ stage. Turns out she was ‘normal’ with her bodily functions.

So by the time Violet got to that stage I was a little relaxed thinking maybe it was just Bella, she’s always been unique. I was wrong and I was stupid and the things Violet was capable of doing with her pooh plain scared me!

I have spent more times than I can count on my hands and knees scrubbing smelly mush from carpets, walls, toys, books, and yes even from Violet herself.

She would HIDE her pooh! WHO does that?!

Sometimes I wondered if her primitive instincts were kicking in, maybe she thought that by rubbing her entire body with it, perhaps she’d put predators off her scent??????

God only knows. I WISH that was her reason.

I did the tights thing, I did the backwards nappy thing, I also bought large onesies to put OVER her tights. I tried EVERYTHING to stop her. She just didn’t get that it was well….wrong, disgusting and just sooo wrong!

She was like Houdini the way she could get that poop out of her pants. It was actually quite amazing, sometimes she’d still be totally dressed and yet STILL somehow there would be little paintings on her wall!

Nap time I was always on guard with her. It was her ‘toilet’ time. I began trying to toilet train her early to avoid the mess. She refused and hated the toilet. Then one night she refused to wear a nappy. I thought the worst she could do was have an accident and I could wash her sheets, so I let her go without.

Next morning she had a dry bed and that was it. No more nappies from that moment and not once has she had an accident despite her previous pooh obsession.

That was almost 12 months ago now.

The moment someone mentions that their child can take their nappy off, I shudder and think poor you!

Molly has begun taking her nappy off to my horror.

Actually she just wants to be el natural all the time. She will neither wear a nappy or go to the toilet. She doesn’t get creative with her pooh which is nice for a change. She will inform me very loudly -and the whole neighbourhood that she has done her business.

“Mum! Poo, oh no, Mum pooh!”

It is quite amazing the variety of pooh children are capable of. I was unprepared for the tar like pooh of a newborn. It is frightening, especially when after minutes of wiping and scrapping, and you think maybe, just maybe you’ve finally removed it all and then?…..baby feels the need. While. the. nappy. is. still. off.

PANIC!

(Please don’t tell me only MY newborns do this)

Buddy is still at the yellow seedy stage. De.sgust.ING! It comes out and goes everywhere and usually when we are going somewhere OR already gotten to where we need to go. Molly sometimes has the rabbit pellets, which is awesome to go searching for when you just KNOW there must be more.

I am absolutely tired of seeing floaties when I want to use the toilet. FLUSH dear children FLUSH. I don’t like pooh and it seems pooh doesn’t like me. The things I have seen done with pooh would make some cry.

*sigh* it seems like I deal with pooh so often that the grossness is loosing its impact.

There is no more open the door and BAM! It is now more like ‘Hmmm, I haven’t seen any poop for a while, I wonder what’s going on…?

All I can say is that I am looking forward to five toilet trained children, I think I’ll run through toilet procedures with the bigger ones AGAIN which covers extensively the art of flushing.

Until then I’ll continue to wipe, scrape, scrub, and occasionally peel pooh from places it should never ever be!

2 thoughts on “A post about pooh.

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