Ok, I’m over my tantrum and self-pity. I actually don’t even want to re-read what I’ve written as I am sure I’ll be ashamed of myself!
I decided when I began this blog that I’d publish all my thoughts and if I thought I couldn’t handle it, then I wouldn’t read it again. I’d leave it there and move on.
Never forgotten but let go of.
I think everything finally got to me, I was already in a bad mood, stressing that I’d have to wean Buddy and get him onto the bottle because he’s getting so big, almost 10kgs that it is becoming difficult for me to feed him on the move while chasing kids around. So they’ve been into everything.
My brand new body salts which I’d used once ended up all through our cot and carpet, I think I was more upset because I don’t have anything like that normally and was guilty for wasting money on it to begin with. Molly misplace $130, flattened our car battery AND poured out a brand new box of washing powder…..in one day.
I thought to myself how am I going to keep feeding my precious last baby while trying to keep up with 4 bored girls?
Plus I’m terribly home sick too.
Anyway it is a mix for negative thoughts.
I don’t like negative thoughts I reminded myself, so once again I am trying.
No not trying, I’m doing.
Things could by far be worse than a little -ok big- mess here and there, I’m going to feed Buddy for as long as possible too, we’ve got our plan and should be home very soon.
So like I said it could be much worse.
I would like to apologise for my outburst, and this is for YOU the reader, as sometimes I get caught up in the emotions and thoughts I’m trying to rid myself of and it is so easy to forget that I am not only speaking to myself.
I do love this blogging thing, especially when I don’t have the guts to say much of what I am feeling to anyone person. I feel far more comfortable allowing my fingers to spill the beans of my mind. My mouth remains shut and yet still I am letting it all out.
I feel like I am avoiding any kind of judgement that I may receive should I tell someone how I feel. I’m sure I still get some kind of judgment only I don’t have to deal with it.
I do like the fact that I know I am being heard and that this isn’t some brick wall I am writing upon, it is kind of like my feelings, be them good or bad are being soaked up.
And I can let them go.
I can move on knowing that I have said what I needed to in a very indirect way, in a way that safe I guess.
I don’t want to bottle anything up but yet I don’t want to be a burden either.
Anyway, I’m moving on from that bad head space. Saying sorry to anyone who didn’t like to hear or read about it and letting it all go.
Thanks for putting up with me!!!
I had planned to do a post on the yummy scone jam and cream cake I make BUT our oven has died, so perhaps next week I can share that with you.
Lots of love to you all,
P.s Skinny Sunday is STILL happening, I’ve spoken with a lovely photogpraher who will do a fun photo shoot once this lats 10 kgs moves on too!