Inscrunch-ons for my little sister Nicole.

*inscrunch-ons is what Nicole used to call instructions*

Dear Sister;

I cannot wait to come home in 6 weeks and see you! We’re so excited to come invade your ‘large’ 2 bedroom house, which I am sure, will seem ‘small’ once we’re all in it together.

I’m looking forward to shopping for air beds, I’m sure we’ll be comfortable. Even if we aren’t I still go to bed with a smile on my face. We’ll be all together again!

I thought I would give you some ‘inscrunch-ons’ to help you prepare for our arrival, as I don’t want you to have any kind of shock and have thoughts like ‘what the hell was I thinking?’ ‘Why did I agree to this?’ and finally ‘they really ARE weirdos!” Actually no, I don’t have problems with that last thought.

  1. Firstly you must prepare for our ‘noise’ if all 7 of us are in idle chatter, it can sometimes sounds like a raging storm. (I wouldn’t be able to accurately describe what its like when a few are in the middle of a tantrum.) I would suggest that heavy metal music is played very loudly for a minimum of 10 hours a day. I then suggest you practise speaking over the top of that ‘idle chatter’ I do NOT suggest trying to have any kind of coherent thought however.
  2. I then think you should take every piece of crockery and cutlery out of your drawers and pantry. Find something like canned spaghetti, what the hey, use can spaghetti. Splatter it all over your plates and bowls and even your cups. Then wash. This will happen after every meal. Try not to hate it on your first go, because you’ll have to do it at least 3 times a day.
  3. Go outside. Take some leaves, sticks, dirt maybe even some grass. Sprinkle generously all over your floors. (Add a pinch to your bed.)
  4. Have a shower. Leave the door open and turn the shower head out to face your bathroom. Once your bathroom is almost flooded take out every single towel you own and lay them down on the floor to soak it all up. While your in the bathroom you may as well rub your tooth brush on some soap. Forget about it. Then later brush your teeth. SURPRISE!
  5. Take all your favorite make-ups, perfumes, hair products and anything else that is especially yours, now ruin every single piece. If you’d like a more realistic experience, take your lip stick smear some on the wall, floor, mascara looks great on tiles and foundation makes awesome splatter art on ceilings.
  6. Play Fi Fi and the flower tots over and over and over and over until your humming ‘Fi Fis’ world, all your friends are here today.’ Once your humming it, play it over and over and over again until you have a head ache. Once you have the head ache, play it over and over and over until you MUST resist the urge to scream F*$K YOU, YOU STUPID FLOWER TOT IDIOTS! Trust me, It’s not woth it.
  7. The average child cries once every 20 minutes for various reasons. We’ll have 6 kids total so I suggest you poke, push, prod and gently punch Lily every 3.5 minutes as this is most likely how often we’ll be dealing with tears. Please put your first aid kit on steriods as ours takes up too much trailer space.
  8. Do not sleep for 3 days then try to run a marathon. No don’t TRY just DO it, make it count girl!
  9. Pretend every meal time that you are a waitress.  A poorly paid, hussy of a waitress. Because you literally will be. Buy a notepad and apron.
  10. Finally, and I only say finally as I don’t want to scare you too much. Pooh. That is ALL I will say on that matter. I’m sure your mind is racing with the numerous possibilites.

So my dear little sister, I hope these aren’t too much for you to handle. I can tell already that we are going to have a great time and many laughs.

I can’t wait to see you!

Lot’s of love Your adoring sister Cristie.

P.s Perhaps you should run a daycare in your home until we arrive as when I leave I’m leaving at least 4 of my 5 with you! *insert evil laugh*

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