Alrighty, this is going to be a total deviation to the whole theme I’ve got going on with my blog.
Who am I kidding?
I have no theme, except to speak my mind and get my ideas ‘out there.’ Wherever ‘there’ may be. Maybe try to offer a new way of thinking.
So I had a conversation with my very single yet very desirable sister Nicole. “I would just like to meet a nice SINGLE guy. Just so I know they still exist.” She said. After yet another guy incident. It goes as thus, (and yes I have her permission for this!) She worked at ‘x’ and he worked at ‘y’ they’d bump into each other ALL the time, they’d chat, flirt a little, he’d recommend movies and she’d say “I’ll have to watch that.” He, lets call him Chinka, (first thing that came to mind?….) then moved on to work somewhere new. Nicole also moved on and changed jobs. One day she saw Chinka walk by where she worked and saw him turn to look, she glanced away thinking ‘Oh god! I hope he didn’t see me looking at him!’ He changed direction and headed into her store.
*enter butterflies…..giggling school girl*
She pretended not to see him, all giddy inside. He got awkward, staggered, looked like something was on the tip of his tongue…….and walked out. Then a few days later the same thing happened, but this time eye contact was made. He smiled, she smiled, both were awkward and weird and eventually he left without a word.
THEN, Nicole went out one day and happened to walk into HIS new place of work. He saw her and smiled a big fat shinier of a smile. Every time she glanced his way his eyes locked on her. She smiled back (probably went a little pink, did an eye lash flutter)…… and they DID actually speak a little.
VIBES….were pouring out all over the place. Nicole’s company noticed it too and mentioned the obvious attraction. Like the excited butterfly belly filled lady she was…again…….. she walked away.
*come on already!*
Invigorated and excited and bubbly….
As much as they’d spoken in the past, she still didn’t even know his name.
She decided to find out. Decided she’d go speak to him.
Possibly ask him out.
She……… found out he had a girlfriend.
*shock horror a guy making googly eyes DESPITE having a girlfriend.*
First of all…..lucky her, sitting at home thinking her boyfriend had eyes for no one BUT her.
To say the least Nicole was annoyed. I AM annoyed too.
But what did I tell my little sister who occasionally thinks she’d like a man in her life?
(To Glen and anyone concerned. Don’t worry my ideas of marriage are as clear as crystal. Once you’re in. You’re in. For the long run, for better or worse. There is no escape. Unless of course under extreme circumstances.)
I told her…..”I envy you.”
“You’re single, that’s freaking awesome. Really do you want to be washing dirty socks and slaving over an oven every single day? I know what you want. You want those butterflies, you want that feeling that comes from being told your beautiful by someone who genuinely thinks so. You want to go out and laugh, you want to watch the sun come up with someone you just spent the entire night talking to. You want to ‘get it on…’ bow chiccca a wow wow (it’s ok, we’re all human here…part of the circle of life)….You want to feel like a goddess and a princess and be excited waiting for him to come make you feel like that.”
“Yes that’s right.”
“Relationships aren’t like that.”
“Really? But your married. You just have to find the right person. You must be so happy.”
“Being married does not secure all those feelings, marriage is to make a sacrifice. Those ‘attraction’ feelings, all those school girl type feelings we so desperately crave are what secures us into a breeding pair. It’s primitive and ugly but really we’re here to breed. Your pheromones, mix with your brain chemicals and really, your attracted to someone because your brain tells you they are a suitable person to procreate with. Men, well they’re here to ‘plant their seeds’ it’s their ‘job’ to secure the continuity of our race. BUT besides all that….. Being married and ABLE to marry means you must love someone enough, the ‘right person enough’ to promise and WANT to promise them the biggest thing you can ever give someone….. Yourself.”
I told her these things because I think they are true. No ones going to ‘make her happy’ they will make her ‘feel’ happy but honestly not forever. No one can do that for you, that is something you must do yourself.
There are a lot of things I believe about marriage like the fact that when a man marries a woman his ‘workload’ decreases by 75%. When a woman marries a man hers increases, at least giving her half as more responsiblity than she had prior to marriage.
Guess it depends on the kind of woman. Or kind of man.
I also think that occasionally, ok most of the time….a man will say/do/wear/eat anything that thinks will give him an advantage over all others. No man, in the history of the world will fart/burp/pooh/pee/pick his nose in front of you nor will he admit to hating your favorite band/tell you your bum looks big or disagree with the woman he wants to ‘marry’ within the first 3 months. That would totally blow all those ‘giddy’ feelings out the window right there AND women tend to be ‘attached’ after 3 months…I guess men have learnt that…but thats when the ‘feel good feelings’ begin to fade anyway…so the slip of a fart here and there…well it’s kinda cute, maybe even funny….10 years down the track a belch and a blast out the bum may be…no it IS disgusting!
I also believe that once a man ‘secures’ his chosen woman, that his effort sometimes can slip a little. Or a lot!
But I also believe that when one choses to commit then, yes for better or worse or whatever promises one makes must be set in stone. Either you believe it or you don’t. There is no middle ground on this one.
I know that a lot of what I’ve said may sound heartless or perhaps even cold but I’ve been through some horrible relationships, met a lot of horrible men. And I’ve never been one to say things I didn’t really think. I told my sister that if for some unknown reason, god forbid, I woke to find myself a single person some day I would live my life like this-
Do all the things I’ve ever wanted to do but put off for a man. We all do it or have done it. Thinking ‘well do it together…’ only…he doesn’t really want to do what YOU want to do….
I would be happy that I didn’t have to acquire a second opinion on every single tiny detail of my life.
The decisions I make or didn’t make would be entirely up to me. Everything down to what I wear, say, eat and do.
I would then find myself a ‘bunch of guys’ YEP that is exactly what I said to my sister and YEP we both had a giggle about it.
I would get myself a little diary, maybe not black but red. Just to be different. In it I would have…say 3 male ‘acquaintances’ who were generally nice guys. Not ‘good friends’ and not people who I would bump into all the time, not guys who we’re mutual friends of family or friends. To avoid awkwardness.
I would ‘pencil in’ lunch with the handsome Jobuba (He could possibly be an indian dentist?) on Tuesday when my kids were in school. I’d enjoy a light lunch with butterflies in my belly while I got my fill of ‘oh your so beautifuls.’
I would call the intriguing Kinka and see if he were free for a little date night every other Friday while my kids stayed at nans. I’d dance and drink and eat and get all my inner hotness ignited. Let that wild sexy woman out!
I’d arrive home from dragging the kids around the shopping centre in search of the perfect groceries to a beautiful bunch of red roses. From Dave of course. (there’s always a Dave.) And there’s that shot of giddy appreciation!
I’d raise my kids, spend time with my kids, be the ideal single mother. Putting them first and caring about their welfare and happiness. After all they will always be number one. BUT it is hard to be single sometimes. I do remember what it is like.
There is sometimes this sense of not being ‘good enough’ to have someone.
But sister!!!..Listen to me!!! Your are so good enough! TOO good sometimes. Your independent, strong. Your YOU. I mean I totally loved all the new attention I got from a young hot man…that’s you Glen….all that feel good adrenaline pumping through my veins. I felt invincible, beautiful, it was surreal. To think I could be loved and that I could love so much.
Then reality kicks in.
And really who ever wants to think of reality in the lush grasp of euphoria?
We have to pay bills. We have to shop for food. We have to, I mean…. I have to wash Glen’s work clothes, make his lunch for work, make sure he has a hot meal to come home to and a clean house. We have to get fuel. We have to do grown up stuff.
And it’s stupid.
Not that fun at all.
Sure he says I’m beautiful but it’s not the same as when he was a ‘stranger.’ He’s my husband now and it kind of is compulsory to tell your wife that.
Now I know there is a lot of ‘old school’ ness out there freaking out right now asking “what is she trying to say?”
Well really I am trying to say that being single is fun, it’s awesome and personally I get envious. If I ever ended up ‘free’ I mean….ahh…single….I’d stay that way. I’d like the ‘freedom’ and I wouldn’t mind ‘alone time.’ I don’t think you single ladies should at all be worried about finding ‘the one’ there really isn’t ‘one’ only a whole bunch of ‘ones’ and a lot of ‘ones’ I’ve found are actually big idiot ‘ones’ If it ever came to it I would love to live and ‘think’ like a man. Why is commitment the be all and end all?
Can we not be grown adults with wants and desires WITHOUT the commitment? Are we not allowed to ‘get our fill’ of the emotional, physical and mental needs that we have WITHOUT commitment?
I would sure as hell like to think so.
This isn’t the 40’s ladies. This is a whole new world where women are fierce and strong, we make decisions and choices for yourselves and guess what?! We’re ‘allowed’ to be selfish sometimes. We don’t HAVE to be married to be ‘accepted’ or ‘good enough.’ We’ve got this over powering sense to ‘look after’ everyone. Let’s look after ourselves for once, god damn it! Be a bitch here and there, never killed anyone, say what you want. Kick the balls of life…(over did it, didn’t I?…) I’m just passionate about us women…all of us. I want you to feel like the sexy hot goddess our hubbies and boyfriends did back in the day. (if they don’t make you feel like that, MAKE THEM!) And honestly I am envious of those of you who are single. Attack like a big cat! You don’t need commitment, you need some lovin’ and attention and there are a lot of decent ‘ones’ out there who are more than willing to give it to you….decent was the key word there.
THE ‘ones’ fall in our lap when we least expect it, when we’re content within ourselves and happy. It radiates ‘look at me’ I’m fun, happy and free…what’s not desirable about that?….BUT who says you can’t have fun in the meantime?…Who?…really?…who says no?…
I told my sister “Be happy, let go, be free, make yourself happy because no ONE person can. As long as your child is safe, always your number one priority and kept out of your private side of life then you don’t need permission. One date does not create the obligation of having to commit to a relationship in the future. One day there will be a man that makes you WANT to wash his socks. But for now, it’s just one date. You’re a big girl do what you want. “
“YEAH!” She said. “I think I will!”
(P.s Glen, again; I love you, you are MY one. I will always love you. And I guess…..I’ll go wash your socks now. 😉 )