The joys.

Firstly I’ll update the family situation because I mean…I can’t leave you hanging. I’ve made the decision to be there for my dad, BUT I will not go out of my way to make contact with him. I’ll be here when and if he needs me but that’s all I can commit to.

It’s draining, mentally, emotionally and I can’t deal with it.

So my doors open. But I’m not giving anymore. I can’t afford to without ripping off my own family.

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Moving on…..I did find out that I have a cousin I’ve never met, I never even knew she existed. So I’m on a mission to try to find her. Her father was my Uncle. He was killed in a motorcycle accident involving a truck when he was young, early 20’s. I am shocked to know we have a cousin we’ve never known about until now. Thats one massive secret, is it not?

I mean why wasn’t she apart of our lives? How come she was never mentioned?

The mystry keeps getting deeper and deeper and I’m beginning to wonder if all this secrecy is just one reason why my sister, brother and I have been so cut off from our entire family.

So weird, and annoying and we just want answers.

We’ll find them…the hard way I guess, because no one wants to spill their guts to us!

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Moving on….again.

Violet’s behaviour this week is shocking. I can’t get over how naughty she’s been, I know she has it in her, but consistently naughty for 3-4 days? I am hoping she’s just testing her limits or going through a phase of some kind…..I’m HOPING!

It began when she decided that she has total permission to go into the fridge and take whatever she’d like. I caught her up on a chair with the fridge door held open with a bottle of milk -as I do when putting groceries away- snacking away on an entire family block of chocolate! She left a couple of bits….probably not if I hadn’t caught her!

Glen wasn’t impress when I told him “That was like a $5 block of chocolate!”

“I don’t think she cared how much it cost….”

“Still…”

She must have been having some powerful cravings as not long after that I saw Molly and Violet run down our driveway from my bedroom window while soothing Buddy. I called out to them to come back upstairs. As they got closer and closer I noticed they looked like they had some awfully dark tan. Or they’d gotten into some foundation or something, not that I’ve got a colour so dark!

I picked up Molly…..smelt her tummy.

COCOA!

argh….I found the packet downstairs…apart from their obvious rolling around in the glorious smell of chocolate to coat themselves…they’d filled their bike trailers and….well anything else that could contain….cocoa.

While cleaning it up…I then found an empty packet of combantron. For those who do not know what that is; it is chocolate squares. FOR WORMING! So they’re wormed. Thanks girl. Been meaning to do that.

I mean seriously. Anything chocolate, chocolate coated, chocolate coloured, chocolate scented!

EVERYTHING.

She even felt the need to go through our neighbours fridge in search of the elusive cocoa bean products!

She’s thrown tantrums. Screams for…..um…no reason at all! Fights with Molly, yet will NOT leave Molly’s side. To me….common sense would tell me that if I didn’t want to be around someone, that I would move away from them. Not these two.

fight, fight, fight

Buddy’s turning out to be quite a mummy’s boy and secretly I don’t mind one bit. Ok well not even secretly. I totally love it!

But it can be a little frustrating especially when I need to get things done. Washing up? He stands by my side looking up at me with his goofy toothy smiles. going to the toilet? He sits outside the door slapping it until I come out. He crawls to wherever I am then stands by my side or against my leg.

I move quickly. I have to, if I want anything done. He’s a little slow. So he cries when he can’t keep up. Only thing to make him happy is a mummy cuddle and a couple of raspberries.

He’s the most beautiful baby in the world! (Besides yours!)

Sophie and Bella come home tired and cranky most days. So bed time has been changed to 7pm for the younger girls 7.30 for Bella who then reads til 8pm. They are struggling to keep up.

I am too, school I dread. The mornings are so rushed and stressful. The moment they’re at school on time and happy. I take a breath and relax.

Bella’s also feeling a little bullied by her teacher, I’m not sure if she is or not, or if her teacher is perhaps just a different personality than she is used to but I know Bella can be a massive pain in the butt sometimes, so persistent and repetitive but, she is a kid and she takes it harshly when she keeps doing the wrong thing by her teacher, or feels like she does anyway.

I’m looking into Steiner education when we get back home to NSW. I’d almost given up hope as it is quite expensive and with so many kids it would cost us close to $15,000 per year once they’re all in school BUT I’ve found out that there are discounts on subsequent kids enrolled from the same family AND if the parents involve some of their skills in the school it further reduces their fees.

So I’ll look into it.

I could teach art classes again.

I’d like my kids to have a good education. But have a good time while getting it.

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The past week or so has been a massive seething pool of mixed emotions. One minute things are good, the next confusing, then frustrating then so happy!

It’s been draining.

I mentioned in my last audio post that the more things become complicated the clearer they are. And it is true. The more twists and turns in the roller coaster of life kind of straighten out at the end of the day and I can clearly see who and what I want to be in the end.

Simply a good whole person.

I think I’m going to get that.

I just need to know what to fight for, what to walk away from and what I should stand up for. Sometimes the lines are blurred, but I’ll figure it out and keep on chugging!

Have a great mid-week and I’ll chat ‘at’ you Friday!

 xox

2 thoughts on “The joys.

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