I dug myself a hole.

I try my hardest not to brag. Not to boast but to be humble about everything.

But I am allowing myself this one exception.


Not the screaming from a roof top type way, that I feel like announcing that to the world but it has satisfied my need.


Our furniture still has not arrived and by the time it finally does on Thursday coming it will be just one day short of 3 weeks that we’ve been sleeping on mattresses on the floor, eating ‘picnics’ on the cold tiles every night, not to mention sitting on the kitchen bench -which there is ample space for us to do so- while eating our breakfast.

But still we’re totally at peace. We go to bed every night satisfied and smiling, I have been so overwhelmingly exhausted in a very good way, from all our ‘physical’ outdoor play/work that I haven’t laid in bed thinking and hoping and dreaming of what things will be like when we are happy.

Not that we weren’t happy before. We all had each other, we were and still are all healthy. But there wasn’t that contentedness that we needed in our lives.

There was an itch that couldn’t be scratched, a longing for something more, well less really.

Something simpler.

We, and I needed that 4 almost 5 years. It was a part of the bigger picture. Necessary to help us appreciate and enjoy what we have now, it was meant to be so that we could totally be thankful and grateful of all that would come.

I learned a lot about what was and what wasn’t important to me, I learned so many new skills while ‘distracting’ myself. I learnt a lot about people who aren’t totally satisfied themselves, and how they treat others. I am thankful for the time away from my family and those who matter most because now I know I can’t be without them. They are so very important and I will never again take them for granted.

The kids now have extended family who they’ve been able to see regularly. We jump in the car anytime we like to go visit Glen’s family or my mum or anyone we know really! My sister and brother are here with us every chance they get which I needed too. We laugh, to the point of tears many times throughout the day, there is always a lazy smile on all our faces.

My kids like to see us having fun too. We join them on the swings, we splash in the waterhole, we include them in everything.

And they laugh as hard as we do.

Aunty Nic is always good for a cuddle if mum’s arms are full and Uncle Matt comes up with a million entertaining things to do, if not occasionally a little dangerous.

The kids and I have so much to do and say and play. They have scrapes and bruises the way a real kid should! From climbing and running, riding and racing, exploring and being free.

They’ve even been helping around the house. Be it Bella helping me cook or Molly and Violet passing me washing to hang on the line. Sophie just loves being outside, more often than not she’s on her bike waving as she passes each window.

Molly’s been having a day nap every day now, she’s just so worn out after helping me dig in the garden or helping to clear some more paths through our magical rainforest garden. Buddy can usually be found dragging a stick along behind him or chasing Ollie, Matt’s beautiful border collie who will be bunking with us for a few weeks.

The minute they’re bored they come up with at least 4 different things to do, besides tv, besides computer games.

For me that is very nice.

Afternoons down the paddock swinging on the extra swings Glen and Matt hung -now that was a hilarious experience for everyone to watch!- mornings swimming in the waterhole followed by picnics in their ‘castle’ formally known as ‘the playground.’

Yesterday was a little sad, we said good-bye to Glen again, he surprised us and turned up last Sunday unannounced. He was home for a fun week of hand-made pasta, four-wheel driving, asian banquets, bonfires, fishing, family visits and tree felling. But now he’s off again back to work and we aren’t too sure when he’ll get another chance to come home, we will miss him and look forward to seeing him again. It is good in some ways, it’s like we get to renew our relationship over and over again. I realise how much he does help out around the place (like entertain the kids so I can finish cooking, watch them so I can pop into town for this or that) ……and he realises how much I do for him (like, cook his meals, make his lunch, wash his clothes….)

 Matt, my brother stayed an extra night to help me dig my first veggie plot.

It was a back-breaking 3 hours for us to dig down into the ground about 20cm. We then got rid of all the big clods of dirt and grass and filled it all back in again adding some extra nutrients along the way.

I probably shouldn’t have but I planted my seedlings this morning and built a little fence after Matt left. I wasn’t meant to for another few days but I couldn’t help it.I promised them I’d try my hardest to keep them alive. I’m sure they’ll be fine though, the nice soft sandy soil is full of juicy fat worms.

I was so happy -despite my aching shoulders to stand back and look at my first little veggie patch. I sawed off all the branches to size myself and hammered them into the ground. Hand planted each and every seeding lovingly.

It’s like a little insight into what we can create here for ourselves. Every little step we take feels like something real, purposeful and worth it. I have lost all those terrible swirling feelings of ‘waiting for something more’ this is it. This is what we waited for and we are taking steps to our own future.

Finally on the right path.

In the right place for us.

My little veggie patch reminded me.


My dad came and stayed one night. We sat out on my back deck watching the skies getting all philosophical as we do when we get along. It’s like our common ground. discussing what will come of the world we live in.

His theory is that humans will keep progressing to the point that we must find another place to inhabit, be it another planet or just cruising around in space. This Earth that we are taking and taking and taking from cannot sustain us for too much longer. We just won’t stop taking. We blow it up, we burn it, we dig into it’s depths and suck the life out of her. Mining, pollution, over population everything we are doing is destroying the only place in the universe that we know can support us and STILL we treat it like a piece of crap.

We aren’t doing a single thing to help make her greener, we just want to see her smoke. Glen and I disagree a little on the topic, he wants chainsaws and motor bikes, where as I want plants, and flowers and beehives.

He wants noise and smoke, fumes and tearing.  I want peace and green, butterflies and sunlight.

We think we are so smart, this technological advancement to the next, always ‘moving forward’ (thanks Julia for that one, it always comes in handy.) We don’t even stop to consider that while we are getting ‘smarter’ we are actually losing essential life skills.

Like starting a fire. Finding fresh water. Providing our selves with food.

Warmth, water, food.

Essential to survival.

You can’t eat an iPod, drink a blackberry and even my warm laptop battery will die leaving me cold very quickly.

And we can’t provide anything for ourselves, without a keycard, without a car, without fuel to get that car to the shops.

Dad thinks that we will never stop advancing our technology, our genetic enhancements to food and meat animals and our blatant interference with nature. He thinks that humans are in a ‘phase of evolution’ and our next phase will be us having to leave Earth.

I totally agree, but unlike him I think we can change it. If we want to. If millions, billions wanted to. But they don’t and things will progress and we someday will either die because of our stupidity or leave this place we call home.

While dad sees our future among the stars, I envision a total opposite future.

This is why I feel so compelled to teach my children how to germinate a tiny seed, how to find fresh water, how to fish with basic materials, how to enjoy the environment, how find warmth, how to use their hands to build and create the things they need.

How to care for each other and work together.

This shouldn’t be a ‘dog eat dog’ world.

It’s probably what got us into this mess, money became too important, trading or sharing with a neighbour became a ‘loss’ everyone just kept wanting more, everyone became envious and competitive.

“We just want more coloured plastic with numbers on it!”

Mmmmm yumo!

I know that it won’t be my children ‘living among the stars’ or probably not even my grandchildren, or great-grandchildren. But If I can teach my 5 children something a little more basic, something that they then can teach their numerous children, who will teach their children’s children. There may be a chain reaction that makes a difference somewhere, sometime in the future.

A lesson, a way of life that some weird old chick with funny hair and weird ideas and morals passed down onto her children who passed it onto theirs and so on and so forth.

My dad always thinks that we never die. He just thinks we move onto something else. Take a butterfly for example, an egg, a caterpillar, it climbs into a cocoon and emerges as a totally different creature all together. It has been 3 things in its life an egg, a caterpillar and then a butterfly. He suggest that us humans never die because we pass on our ideas, or values our morals to our children and even when we pass away our ‘spirit’ is carried with them…therefore we live on.

And really we are nothing more than our memories, our thoughts and our dreams.

And if these live on then are we not alive?


I don’t want to think of my future generations only seeing koalas in old picture books or wondering what it’s like to swim in a pool of rainwater, or to wonder what a real life tree looked like all because I needed the latest and greatest gadgets now.

Yes, yes I know I’m on my baby laptop right now. But somehow I justify it with using it to help get my messages across to those I’d never normally have a chance to.

All I ever ask is that our kids know where food comes from and I don’t mean ‘the shops’ to know that money is something to be worked hard for, that even when we aren’t ‘at work’ we should be working hard, it is a good way to live. I want our future generations outside climbing trees and learning an appreciation of the environment and all it’s plants, animals.

It’s healthier, it’s natural!

It’s what was meant for us.

Something a little scary to consider is this quote from the Nuclear Peace Foundation…

“There are still some 26,000 nuclear warheads in the world, enough to destroy civilization many times over and destroy most life on earth. Nuclear weapons make humans an endangered species.”

The thing is that some of these weapons that us smart humans created are in places and in the hands of people unknown to the world. I watched a documentary once that said something along the lines of “Nuclear war is not something that may happen it WILL happen and it will happen because of madness, stupidity or by accident.”

I don’t mean to scare anyone or make anyone paranoid but these are the facts of the kind of world we live in, but we are so distracted with our gadgets, which mind you all are now equipped with cameras and voice recorders.

Type your address into google maps.

It’s there.

So if that is what us non-genios types can do at home from our computer, it makes me wonder what those ‘genius’ types could do if they wanted.

Ahhh technology.

I’m not suggesting we build underground bunkers or anything but I brought my first baby home on the day of the September 11 trade tower bombings. I brought her home to a war. It is still going on, she had her 11th birthday on the 7th.

I’m simply suggesting that we become more aware of something other than ourselves. Stop competing with your neighbour over fashion brands or buying bigger and fancier cars because it ‘makes us look better’ stop being competitive full stop. Stop being arrogant idiots, stop being liars, stop making others feel bad and just for once stop being selfish.

We live with war, we live with famine, we live with ‘important’ people in charge of our very lives, and like us normal people they make mistakes and stupid decisions all the times.

I don’t know, (yeah I’m probably a freak) but I’m trying to give some factual reasons as to why we should be teaching our kids these things.

Basic life skills.

It is my way of making a difference in a world that is not as la dee da as we sometimes are made to think it is.

It’s a kind and beautiful place but we don’t treat it as such and someday it is going to crumble beneath the feet of those umcomprehendable future generations. If we could envision our future generations as we do our own unborn children maybe we’d have more compassion for the future than we do now, we live each day selfishly as if we are the only one who matters, as if nothing we do right now could ever possible affect anything ever again.

We’re wrong.

And even if no one else thinks it is important, even if everyone reading this now thinks I’m a total weirdo, I’m planing to have children who if ever, god forbid something happened and all of a sudden there was no ‘shops’ to provide food, or no bottled water to be bought, or no electricity to heat up their dinner, or no shelter for them to sleep cosily under that still they would be ok.

They could provide for themselves and I don’t mean by getting a job down at domino’s but actually PROVIDE themselves with a sustainable  way of living (and not in the retarded bear grylls style!!! Man he’s an idiot!)

Anyway, personally I hope for an Eden type planet for my future descendants, not a life ‘among the stars’ but sadly I actually believe that a nuclear war or something like it, must wipe out all our important ‘necessities’ first so we (or children like I hope to raise) can have a chance to nurture the Earth back to health. A chance to begin again. To create the Eden it should have been in the beginning and keep it that way.

And…blah blah blah….sorry to have bored you with all that. Back to a tinsy bit of normalcy.


We’ve been buying all our essentials in bulk and I hope to be able to provide a majority of our own fresh food with my gardens. In a few months time we will have a calf ready to provide us with a freezer full of beef, it will be tender and healthy as it won’t have stress, fear and adrenaline pumping through its viens for an entire week leading up to its death like the ones we buy in the shops, even its hide will go to good use, it will be the very first one that I will be tanning myself to use for all kinds of things. Meat chickens, laying hens and ducks are our next step with a coop in the design process.

Eggs, glorious eggs!

Anyways, I’m off. I promise to post properly soon, but to be honest I haven’t really felt the need to sit behind my computer screen!

My Facebook’s been neglected, my pinterest too!

I just don’t ‘feel’ it anymore.

This is ‘our’ time.

And I don’t want to waste a minute of it.


Take care!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s