Current Memory

Life goes on despite my lack of blogging about it. Sometimes I just need space. And even though I like my solitude sometimes the simple act of publishing a blog post feels too crowding for me.

I’ve always written the truth, my feelings and I suppose I’ve decided to bare my soul and often it does make me feel naked.

I often feel exposed and judged because I choose to share my deepest thoughts and ideas as honestly as possible and while the majority of my feedback is positive I am sometimes afraid that the things I hold dearest to me will be ridiculed and I mean what could be more painful than that?

I have learned not to read the stats on this blog, because it is when I see that numerous people have read something that is particularly close to me I feel like thousands of eyes are observing my life and what I should or should not be doing even though I am totally alone in my own home.

So I shut it off.

Because I won’t change who I am, what I do or what I think is important, so it is far easier for me to remove the ‘audience.’

But then?! I’m questioned as to where I go, why I stopped writing and when I’ll begin again.

I get so much positive feedback too, I’ve been asked to write for a magazine, been asked to be interviewed for another….this is wonderful is it not?

Not.

I can’t control when, what, who…or anything.

And as much as I have considered how great it would be to turn this blog into an income, I also realise that I would be commercializing my soul, my children’s lives and I feel that is not right.

I like to write and I shall market that more forcefully one day. (I mean I still have a novel and a half siting in my closet which I’ve only sent to 2 publishers! But there is time.)Though for now there are bigger things.

I try so hard to remember why I write this blog.

It’s for my children. and then I think well why don’t I just write a diary. Well because I have been told numerous times that I have helped inspire other women to refocus on what’s important in their child’s lives and also for them as a woman.

And this makes me want to keep going. The knowledge that I could help someone simply with my words, by exposing my own thoughts and fears, my strengths and the acknowledgement of my weaknesses ,so others may also come to terms and peace with their own.

So….with that said I shall get deep and meaningful. I’m tired of ‘shallow’ thinking for fear that I’ll be perceived as odd, or weird. I’m tired of meaningless chit chat.

So what are my hopes and dreams?

In general I hope that humanity, no, perhaps women realise their potential. So we stop living lives that are based on being awarded for every little thing we do, its like we won’t do anything that won’t bare fruit for us. We want something from everyone and everything, we’re never satisfied.

Women change the world and we need to grab that and know it to be true.

Examples?…well we’ve been changing the world right from the beginning, I watched a documentary on Neanderthals (because I have a weird obsession with human behaviour, plus my friend said it was cool and it was.) and found it fascinating that the Neanderthals DNA is still up to 6% present in todays homosapiens…and this was due to Homo sapiens breeding with Neanderthals. Originally it was thought that perhaps homo sapein men were forcefully taking Neanderthal women and getting them pregnant but it turns out that it was the homo sapien women who sought out the Neanderthal men.

This was realised when it as found that the children were being raised as homo sapien children, not vice versa. (There was more to it, but you’d have to watch the 2 hour docco for yourself.)

It makes sense doesn’t it?

Who could resist a muscular man with strong facial features? Think wolverine….

So from there we also changed men’s perspective of us as people when we demanded that sex evolve. (Hence in my opinion changing the way relationships developed from reproduction focused to loving, caring emotional things.) Women initiated the ‘military’ style of face to face. Men now had to be physically, mentally and emotionally involved with their partner.

Now think of the housewives of the 40’s to the housewives of today….

We’ve fought for voting rights and heck even women have the right to become bishops within the church…who saw that coming?

What have men done?….

No offence guys but you’ve never had to fight for a darn thing.

We change things, we create things, we stand up for things that matter. We’re emotionally involved in the future through our children. We know they deserve a great life and great future.

But how do they gain a great life and great future?

Is it because we leave them a large inheritance?

Is it because we hand them every material object they desire?

Is it because we make sure they are popular, fashionable and wealthy?

In my opinion no.

I think (key word there…I….) they should be good people.

And MY definition of ‘good’ is someone who is compassionate, open minded, kind, respectful, and hard-working.

To have these things and to have a sound understanding of what is a want and what is a need is the key to having a great life.

I guess I should define my idea of a ‘great life’ because I don’t mean being rich, and I don’t mean being popular, and I don’t mean having a life that makes others envious.

I mean a great life as in WITHIN one is content and at peace. I mean once you’ve achieved a peace within, you could literally live in a box under a bridge and still be at ‘peace’ with the choices you’ve made and the life you’ve lived.

I’m blabbering. I’ll make a coffee, come back and attempt to be clearer in what I’m trying to communicate.

Okay, I think I’m trying to get to the point of life being short. So why not remember that and live a life we are proud of, one that will not disadvantage our children or grand children or even our great-grandchildren.

I personally believe we are nothing more than a ‘current memory’ and once we are gone we will leave nothing material of value to anyone. The only thing our loved ones will cling to is our memory.

So I guess we must ask ourselves what current memory is this moment creating for the future?

What will I be when I am gone.

Will I be the reminiscent smirk on someone’s face, or the twinkle in someone’s eye at the mention of my name.

Or will I be the grimace on another’s?

Even in those moments with screaming toddlers and tantrumming teens I guess we need to ask ourselves ‘will this moment last forever?’

We will always answer ‘no.’

So lets take a breath allow the moment to be what it is and not let our own emotional response to that situation help form the memory we will become.

As with every other situation in life.

Live life in the way you wish to be remembered.

I’m trying so hard not to be remembered as the rushing, short-tempered, bossy mum!

I think I’ve mentioned in previous posts my meditation and I highly recommend it to anyone and everyone. It helps me sleep better when my minds buzzing, it helps me be the calm happy person I know I am, it helps me breath and accept and appreciate each moment for what it is, it is also fun with the kids!

They love it too and it gives them a moment of calm and peace in the non-stop lives of the energetic!

I also want to mention some things that concern me and I guess they do not affect me so basically this will come across as a lecture…we need to talk to our children.

And I don’t mean things like ‘get dressed.’ ‘Don’t do that.’ ‘Stop it now.’

I mean actual conversation, even with newborns.

We seem to never find time for ‘quality time’ anymore…facebook, emails, pinterest (my bad) mopping, everything seems to have taken priority over our time…..

And I know even in my own case…sometimes we WANT something else to be more important especially when we’re drained….

And by quality time I don’t mean expensive family holidays over seas…I mean literally sitting and asking ‘what are you thinking?’ ‘Did you have any interesting dreams last night?” ‘How do you feel about this/that or the other?” “Do you like this?”

Simple questions that show you are interested, involved and that your child’s opinion actually matters. It also helps them FORM opinions.

I don’t care if it pointless and you blabber about the clouds for ten minutes and the specific tones in their colour. I don’t care if you have deep and meaningfuls over the bird you saw fly over head twenty minutes ago and where it might be going….

The rise in children needing speech pathology by kindergarten age is crazy and parents are like ‘oh but they use educational apps, and phonics games….’

Wow…so their ears work? Awesome….TALK TO THE KID (all the time…if I should be so bold!)

I’ve experienced this personally when I accidentally joined a playgroup a few years ago in our old town. Id taken my kids to a park and all these mums and kids turned up, they asked if I’d like to join them so I did. My kids were younger than any in the group and yet when they came to the table to ask for a drink or something to eat there was not one mum who didn’t clearly understand what was said and yet when a few other children did the same….it was like gibberish!

(mind you the mums simply asked them to go away and play…and continued chatting… making me wonder if it was a play group for kids or for mums!) I didn’t return to this play group…..

I don’t know what other people want to teach their children, I only know what I want to teach mine and the pure reason I’m sharing is because I KNOW (I accept that now) that there are some who accept my ideas as actually being good even if sometimes I am not 100% confident about them.

I want my kids to care about the environment, I believe a love of nature and an understanding of how it is connected to us and sustains us will lead to someone actually making a positive change.

Don’t all these random sink holes worry you?

All the pollution hovering over countries like japan?

The huge floating plastic islands in the ocean?

The extremes in our weather? I mean we’re going to have to adjust our seasons to fit in with the new weather patterns soon!!!

How long can we keep removing essential minerals without putting anything back. How long can we keep killing off important species that are required as links in ecological chains? How long can we expect to survive on chemically enhanced food without a build up of those chemicals in our very DNA…what are we passing on to future generations?

Just for one moment think of all the countries in the world and think of how many of those are in peace and not war-torn?

How many are free of obesity, depression, anxiety, disease…….how many have access to food, shelter and someone who actually cares?

Is this the world we want?

Personally I don’t. I’d leave and live on the moon if I could.

I’m often ashamed to say I am a part of the human race. And even those of us who are not involved in wars and a number of other horrible things…. we’re not doing anything to help or to be compassionate and sometimes it’s almost as bad.

I can’t say I’m some hero doing millions of things right because I am angry at myself for falling in that trap of feeling like ‘why should I bother, no one else is doing anything…what small difference could I make…’ Well more than if I did nothing.

I teach my children about the wars of the world and why they are happening, I draw attention to the differences of the lives they lead as to the ones of children in those places. They understand that food is a luxury and a privilege (even brocoli) and that not all children are able to have that.

I teach them to put any spare change they may have into any charity bin they may see. Because we have food, clothes and somewhere to live…why hoard our small change when it really can add up and make a difference to someone who needs it. They know that when they spend $10 that they could have potentially bought a calf for a family in another part of the world that could sustain them for years.

I want them to have something to compare their lives to that will enhance the compassion and meaning of their lives RATHER than watching Miley Cyrus shake her naked butt wishing they could do the same.

I don’t want them to just accept the glittery distractions.

I won’t avoid our natural instinct to compare our lives but I feel that there is a way to compare that is beneficial.

My kids proudly announce and display the outfits I spent $4 on in a second-hand shop knowing that they’ve saved money that could have a far better use.

Instead of living a life full of wanting for more and more and to be famous and popular and skinny and cool….I hope that my backward approach gives them a life full of appreciation and life full of compassion and a life full of contentedness.

They know they have all they need even if we can afford all we want too…we know the difference and we know the importance. They know they are lucky and they know they are loved.

And I only hope that these are the things they teach to their children in the future.

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I’ll quit now.

But I will try to keep my blog posts coming and remember that in my eyes it is important to speak rather than stay silent and that I need to be stronger with my own ideas and opinions and to REMEMBER that regardless of anyone else’s thoughts or opinions of MINE…

that they are mine and I most importantly I must respect them even if no one else does.

xo