Weightloss round 2. Week 1

I said I’d update you on how I was doing. It’s been a week since I decided I’d have another go and lose some weight and gain some health.

Thursday we had ‘our’ Easter. I told myself that yes I would eat some chocolate and have a hot cross bun. I knew that if I said a blunt ‘no’ that I would probably rebel against myself and have heaps so instead I chose to allow myself just a little and I was ok with that. I didn’t feel left out of the family day but I didn’t feel bad for over doing it either. Violet’s birthday was on Sunday and I told myself that it was not the day for me to spend time on the treadmill and worrying about what I ate on her day. So I had pancakes with her for breakfast, bbq lunch and take away for dinner and I also had some cake.

I got on the treadmill everyday -except Violet’s birthday- and did an hour on the treadmill. Yesterday was an exception. I was in such a horrible mood I actually decided to quit.

Why should I watch what I eat? Who cares if I am thinner and healthier? People would probably dislike me more if I actually reached my goals. I’m going to eat what I want, when I want and I don’t want to excercise.

So I ate crap and didn’t excercise.

Though I woke this morning thinking how stupid I was being and that I’d already put in so much effort that it would all be wasted because of one bad day.

So I weighed myself not hoping for anything much, because of Easter, Violet’s birthday and my sook day yesterday. But amazingly I’d lost exactly 1 kg. Which made me think that if I’d had a whole 7 days of good eating that it could have been more.

So I’m now 88.8kgs and ready to lose some more.

Today I ate right and decided that instead of getting on the treadmill I’d walk and push the pram which ended up carrying all 3 of my homebound children, all the way to McDonald’s for a coffee and an apple juice. We then walked to the shops had a little browse then walked all the way home. We left at 8am and didn’t get home until mid-day. I had much more fun than being stuck on the treadmill. And the kids enjoyed the ride. I would have done about 2 and a half hours of walking if not more between playing in parks and drink stops.

So that’s me updated.

blah blah blahberty blah

I’m having such a downer of a day. There’s just no perk here, no springing in my step. I can honestly say that each day is getting tougher and tougher to make that very real choice to ‘be happy.’

I don’t think our family back home understands how we ‘live’ here. We’re isolated. We have neighbours…well not currently…but its not like we’re living in the sticks but the only people we want to see happen to be oh so far away.

And of late I don’t want to see a sinlge person except them.

Glen doesn’t understand when I try to explain ‘my life’ to him. He just doesn’t get that for almost 4 years now I have been alone in this house with our kids, cleaning and cooking and waiting for him to come home. Normal things like a little ‘pop in’ from a loved one or close friend for a vent and coffee doesn’t happen here. I try to tell him that I’d love a job, to get out of the house for a few hours to feel ike I was contributing to our family, it would be like heaven to me. Not that he doesn’t want me to work, but I also know he cannot handle the kids like I can and I know that I couldn’t leave them with him for too long. especially over a silly thing like wanting to ‘get out’ for a bit into the real world.

I don’t even know what my issue is today. I don’t feel understood I guess. Rarely do I ever feel understood. Maybe my views and ideas on how I think life and the world should be are completely different to everyone elses. It’s funny how everything I seem to do or want to do…somehow must affect everyone else. I mean why would people not want me to do things and say things if it had no affect on them personally.

Sometimes I feel like I should shut up, sit back and just go where each day takes me. The same way I think a lot of people do. I just don’t want to be like everyone else and I never have.

I remember my mum getting mad at me because I would never wear just one set of clothes. I would wear pants under a dress or a dress over a t-shirt. I had to draw weird things on my face for school or design a different styled skirt to everyone else as part of my uniform. I couldn’t wear an ordinary white polo shirt but it had to be different in some small way, even if I had to draw on it to make it different.

I didn’t want special attention, I didn’t want to be cool. I just wanted to be me, slightly different from the masses that surround me.

I’m feeling a bit crushed I guess. No one likes different. No one wants unique. Hair colour, eye colour thats all fine. Yep we are ALL individuals…but abilities and ideas need to be mainstream I’ve found. If you want to be accepted that is.

There really is a little mould in which most of us feel we need to cram ourselves into so that people like us or can even just tolerate us.

We call ourselves things like ‘adaptable’ and ‘flexible’ when really it is a nice way of saying “I’m being what you want me to be.”

I don’t want to be what you want me to be.

If you don’t like me that is ok. I can’t blame you. If you do…well perhaps you should re-think that.

Aww…no I’m just being a sooky brat. I’m feeling depressed and down I guess. Glen doesn’t get it, my kids blatantly don’t care…they still want their snacks and entertaining, their faces painted and left over party balloons blown up. And really it wouldn’t matter anyway I’m pretty good at faking a smile and don’t want to talk about it with anyone anyway. Perhaps I should be writting this on a scrap of paper to throw away?..

I apologise that you are the one to listen to me have a sook. But to be honest I’m trying to pretend you’re not there while I type away my negative emotions.

I’m tired of the way everything and everyone is. I’d like to think the world is a light, floaty place…I try to live like it is. But it isn’t, it’s ugliness is still there no matter how much one tries to disguise it. I just feel so ‘blah’ today. I don’t want to do a single thing. Though I have. And I will continue to do so.

I just wish it would rain or something. That would make me happy. Because truthfully I don’t know what could right now.

My girls are playing restaurants with some plastic cups, plates and forks…and water with green food dye in it…not sure what that’s for. I like that they cannot see this darkness brewing in me, I’m glad I can smile and help them fold napkins.

Gosh today just sucks and I think I’m over it now.

Tomorrow should be a better day.

Thanks for listening to me blog. xox

Violet’s “green” 4th birthday!

After a busy morning, Violet finally spent her last unplanned hours of daylight to play with her sisters in the front garden, climbing trees, making beds out of leaves and cakes out of dirt served on palm frond platters of course. She chose dinner then had a nice hot lazy shower. She got her last present of the day while snuggled up in bed. A fluffy green dinosaur pillow pet. She cuddled up, said her good nights and now she sleeps soundly.

It was a big day for even an energetic four-year old, but I’ll let the pictures tell the story. I’ve been lazy of late, forgetting the camera, but for today I made sure it was charged and the strap wrapped around my hand for most of the day.

This was HER day, I don’t want to forget it and I want her to be able to look back and know that for just one day EVERYTHING was all for her.

She turns 4 only once and it was well recorded.

Here’s Violet’s day.

Green hair.

She had quite a bit of fun being an only child. She didn’t have to share the slippery dip, or the steering wheel thingys and when she called out “LOOK AT ME MUM!” there was no one else to echo the same thing……..

Checked out the markets. Violet WANTED the pink bike for herself. And the little one for Buddy. So we bought the 2 second-hand bikes and took them home.

But first we stopped of for a bit of window shopping fun.

While we had the morning out, Dad and the girls and Buddy decorated with green balloons and streamers. Violet was so surprised.

Thanks for thinking of me Violet. Love bud! xox

bbq lunch.

Cake time! I was very happy with how it turned out but more importantly so was Violet. “I’m just SO proud of my cake mum.” That’s all that mattered. Though I was determined to make it extra special for her this year, I had a specific idea in mind and I’m glad I came close to what I’d imagined.

We had fun blowing out the candles. Violet wanted a second go so she could get her ‘wish right’ and then Molly wanted to have a go blowing them out and then we had a few joint candle blowing outs. Why not? (see Molly in the back ground picking her nose? Well it is a ‘green’ birthday I guess…)

After her cake and a cup of sweet tea, Violet began her dino digging egg thing. Inside the egg was a dinosaur that she had to dig out. Of all her gifts I wouldn’t have thought this would be what she’d love most. EVERYONE had so much fun watching her try to dig it out. Giving her advice, picking on her, bossing her, helping too occasionally. She’d hit it on the ground, dig and poke and hack. We were all so involved and excited to see the dinosaur. Such a simple pressie but was perfect for a curious nature.

Violet. I hope your day was special. I hope you had fun. I hope today you knew you were the MOST important one and it was all about you. Your growing to be such an energetic, fun spirited unique individual. I’m glad I’m here to see you grow each day.

I’m glad your mine.

Lots of love to you Violet. Today you are my favorite!

Love mum xox

Round 2. Weightloss

So I am my own worst enemy. What can I say? I love food. Well not so much love it, just love chocolate and chinese take out, and salt and vinegar chips, homey meals with gravy, cheese and worst of all BIG portions.

I was so proud of myself to have lost 15 kgs in just 12 weeks last year, I was feeling good and healthy and had heaps of energy. My downfall? My hesitation. Originally I’d wanted to lose a total of 25 kgs to get down to 70kgs which is within MY healthy weight range. But I was feeling so good at 80 kgs that I wasn’t sure I wanted to lose another 10.

I prefer to be bigger, rounder and softer after all, some of the most beautiful women around are in my opinion, a size 12 plus. I didn’t want to look ‘bony’ or ‘scrawny’ just more energetic and healthy.

So I got lazy. I was umming and arring about the way I excised and ‘allowing’ myself treats. Soon enough it was Christmas time and we were heading home for a few weeks.

I LOVE to cook big homey meals that warm your belly and your soul for family, I made the choice to not worry myself with a silly thing like weight loss during MY family time. I’d enjoy every moment and cook and eat and be merry.

And boy did I! I enjoyed every moment. Cheese platters with dried and fresh fruits, a few alcoholic drinks here and there, dessert almost every night. I could feel it creeping back I just didn’t really care.

I came home and got a little homesick and probably a bit …’meh’…yep, that’s what I was feeling….meh.

Instead of jumping on the treadmill I ate when bored.

I ‘tasted’ dinner as I was cooking it.

I shared whole blocks of chocolate in bed with Glen over a movie.

We picked up take away for lunch after the groceries…

And slowly but surely my clothes became tighter and tighter…not yet to the point where I cannot wear them, but to the point were they feel different and I don’t like it.

I feel like my face is again disappearing into a squishy-ness of neck, when I look down my belly protrudes further than my boobs and that’s never a good thing.  I’m getting more and more lethargic and for me that is not a good thing. I need my energy.

So what am I going to do about it?

Well work my butt off again I guess, there’s not much else I can do unless I want to keep on my way and keep on gaining weight.

Oh you want to know HOW MUCH I gained in the past lazy 6 months???

9.8 kgs.

Almost 10 kgs in 6 months. Just think if I’d waited another 6 before I got on top of things?

So I revisited CalorieKing.com (Which is seriously a MUST for Australian people wanting to keep track of things.) I put in my new weight, and I’m trying a slightly new plan of attack.

I make my meals in the morning and put them into calorie king to see what I’m eating BEFORE I’ve eaten it, that way I can make adjustments if needs be, BEFORE the damage is done, plus I don’t have to worry about what I’m going to eat, it’s pre-made to grab out of the fridge. No cooking of 2 meals at night.

Today I’ve eaten

1. half a cup of porridge with a sliced banana and skim milk
2. 2 sesame corn thins with tomato (no butter)
3. half cup shredded lettuce, 1 tomato, a third avocado, small handful almonds and a pear
4. another 2 sesame corn thins with tomato
5. tonight I’ll be eating half a cup of white rice with baby corn, capsicum, brocoli, beans, peas with a teaspoon of soy sauce and a bunch of grapes.
6. 2 litres of water! (We always forget the water, seriously the most important part, it helps flush the system.)
7. Oh and 4 cups of black tea with skim milk (no sugar.)

A total of 850 calories.

(When I’m meant to be around the 1600 mark…hard to do when eating the RIGHT foods.)

I’m totally cutting out ALL sugar and ALL bad fats. Really the only good fats are in things like nuts and avocados and fish. Stay away from animal fats…

I then spent an hour on the treadmill, not leisurely strolling either, making sure I sweat and pushed myself. I am going to have blisters on the soles of my feet and bruises up my arm from hitting the stupid edge of the handle thingy, BUT I’ll get over it. I’ll be on it EVERYDAY, it is too easy to just say “I’ll have a break today and get back on tomorrow.” It doesn’t happen. Well for me at least…so everyday it is.

Total calories burned?

890.

850 in – 890 out = -40 calories.

So technically I’ve lost weight today.

So my aim right now is to lose 5 kgs in 4 weeks. Which I can handle that, I think it is very achievable, I may even lose more, but I don’t want to aim too high and be let down. My goal weight is 75 kgs this time. CLOSE to my ‘healthy weight range’ without being too thin.

I have had so many excuses over the past couple of months.

• It’s going to take ages to lose the weight.
• I’m tired.
• It’s Easter soon I’ll wait so I can eat chocolate.
• The kids won’t like it when I’m on the treadmill.
• It’s boring on the treadmill for an hour.
• I have dreadlocks now and I don’t want to get all sweaty (seriously this is a big one for me!!)
• I just want to have a big baked dinner then I’ll start.
• Its easier to eat what everyone else is having rather than cook 2 separate meals.

All of these, in my eyes were good excuses but really…they’re not at all. At the time yes, but looking at the almost 10 gs I gained and the hard work ahead of me to lose it again….well they were sucky excuses!

To me losing weight is a simple concept. And it really is….as long as we get up and just DO IT, and that is the hard part.

To lose weight you must burn more calories than you put in.

Example – you eat 50 calories and then burn 60 and that = a weight loss.

You eat 50 calories then sit on the lounge for an hour? = weight gain.

WHAT we eat also makes perfect sense to me.

10 maltesers = 145 calories.

A pear + a tomato+ and apple = LESS than 145 calories. Personally I know which would fill me up.  And after 10 maltesers I’d probably still be hungry and eat more….Get me?

Useless, pointless sugar…those are empty calories which do nothing for our health, do not give us energy and are well…pointless. Why do we do it?! (cause it’s yum…..darn it!!!)

Anyway….this time there was no planning, no ‘start’ date…I’m just shutting up and doing it. If I don’t start today I never will and I want to be as healthy as I can be for as long as I shall live.

So here we go again…round 2 and perhaps this time I should look into ‘long term’ goals not just short-term. I’ll let you know how much I’ve lost -if any- this time next week!

Facebook. Freak outs & Family.

I decided to take a couple of weeks off Facebook. It wasn’t thought about, it was a momentary thought “I’m getting off FB” and I did. Right there, right then.

I wanted to take a break because it becomes like this ugly little habit that sneaks up ALL THE TIME. Especially since I got my new phone at christmas. Slowly but surely I began ‘checking’ Facebook more and more.

For what I was checking…I am not sure.

Was I checking what others were doing?

Was I checking if anyone had commented or ‘liked’ any of my stuff?

Because I was bored and thought it would give me a tad of excitement in my own life?

YUP. All of the above.

I also found I felt a heap of pressure. As I do with my blog sometimes.

I don’t want to come across as anything except the way that I am; be it annoyingly painful or funny, or weird…..whatever. I just want to be seen as myself….good and the bad and I feel that sometimes the wrong impression is giving when the physical-ness of someone is not right there in front of you.

Facial expressions have no meaning, body language is non-existent, I could say one thing and it could be taken in 101 different ways depending on the reader. I think these are VERY important parts of communication. I found that through trying to live my life ON Facebook for my family to feel more ‘WITH’ us…and most likely for me to feel more ‘WITH’ them too; that my actual real life was slipping by.

I have so much I want to do and want to experience and with my thumb stuck scrolling my phone….it isn’t going to happen.

Without Facebook and my blog for 2 weeks I felt free. Really I did. I felt like I’d stepped out of the world. For just a little while I did not exist. Which I originally thought would freak me out.

I’m going to get all shrink-like on myself…but I think that because my own parents never really let me know I was ‘good enough’ that I have this desire to feel validated or ‘worthy’ in my life, I don’t think it will ever matter who says ‘good job’ I’ll never feel it is enough until my parents…the ones who created me…. say ‘I’m proud of you’ but that’s not going to happen soon. I don’t think I’ll ever get to a point in my life where I feel ‘valid’ but I accept that as part of who I am. I don’t think I am not ‘good enough.’ I know that I am just fine, but that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate a pat on the back for things I say or do. It is almost like the positive reaction is encouragement for me to keep going, it’s like a little green light telling me I’m on the right path. I don’t ‘need’ the green light, but I like the green light.

I have thought occasionally that without Facebook to keep me connected with my family and without my blog to keep me connected with ‘the rest of the world’ that I would simply not exist.

Kind of true.

I disappeared off the radar. I liked it. To you, I was gone but to me?….Wow, I lived. I did things I have wanted to for so long thinking I didn’t have the time. It was almost like I had inspiration overload….everything just flew into me and came bursting out.

My mind worked better and clearer. The ideas I had were massive and many, I couldn’t keep up with the new fresh material that came to mind.

It was a little overwhelming.

We did heaps with the kids. I made heaps of things and created new things.

I completed a short massage course, something I’d wanted to do for so long, I crammed all the theory of a 6 month course into 8 hours completing 16 assignments and 18 multi question exams with a result of 98% I was happy to have finished it and finally done it. It covered everything from human anatomy -which is fascinating- to pregnancy and baby massage, the origins of different types of massage from Indian, china, Thailand and Peru, the health benefits, the history of massage and much more.

I wouldn’t have been able to do that if I’d been spying on everyone on Facebook every 15 minutes.

Imagine what I could have done in 4 weeks?

Just no one would ever hear about it. And I think that’s where we ALL fall short. We WANT to know what everyone’s doing to place ourselves on this ladder like a cyber rank system; and no one wants to be near the bottom. This frustrates me though, I have many a Facebook friend who seem to….via their hourly status updates….live an impressive happy, joyous life.

Really? Life can be sweet but it is also sour. To NEVER experience the sour parts…well to me it comes across like a fairytale story…and really I’ve never been one to belive in them.

Are you even human?

In my 2 weeks without Facebook and my blog I learnt that I can be content without approval. I can be ok with just being me WITHOUT the validation of others. This may shock and sadden some but I considered never coming back to my blog.

But reminded myself it ‘is for my children’ it always has been and always will be but in its growth I have sometimes had to take into consideration my audience. And the only audience that I want to impress is my children and they probably won’t even read this for another 10 years.

I also have a lot more I want to tell them.

Facebook. It is a strange thing. I was beginning to form all these conspiracy theories too. I used to do this a lot prior to Facebook when my mind wasn’t numb. Don’t you find it strange that there is this online place where not only our most personal thoughts are shared but the connections between who we talk to. We even categories our ‘friends’ lists into acquaintances to school mates to family members and even specifically how we are related to them, I mean why? I know that Nicole is my sister…..the people who know me and her know we are sisters….???? We share many a ‘profile’ picture and even argue on the screen. We claim we want privacy in our lives yet….seriously….we’ve just complied the hugest amount of personal….deeply personal information into one convenient spot.

And then add ‘friends’ to view it all…do you even KNOW your ‘friends’??

I don’t know all mine!!!

Anyone needs to know about us is our name. Then BAM…..it’s all there. There to be tapped into and harvested and taken. Not just by freaks but by the government. Everything we see, everything we hear is in some way promoting some product, some excuse for us to spend money on useless junk, not only have we put everything about ourselves in one easily accessible despite ‘privacy settings’ place but we’re now easier to study. A mass of people bouncing one product around.

“Manala Jones ; I just bought the most amazing sunglasses.”

“Ariel Mermaid; Where from? What brand? I want pics 🙂 “

And on it goes…..Banks have all our details, how much we earn, how much we don’t, where we live, who we send money to, WHAT we spend our money on, what bills we have. Heck they’d even know which porn sites we pay for online….not that I pay for any. Or look at any. You get me…… Centrelink. They have the right and power to take or give what they want. They know our address, all our bank accounts, our partners, our relationship status, our children’s details and then make us feel so worthless and needy the moment we pick up the phone to talk to them.

….Medicare…..

Those things are in place to ‘help us’ I think ‘control us’ is more like it but yet all these government places can never gain the invaluable information that we give and glue permanently to Facebook -and the whole internet world- freely. Everyday.

It’s probably my paranoid onset of a freaky breakdown (won’t that be interesting) but that 2 weeks without ‘the outside world….which has become ‘online’…..has made me think. Never a good thing.

Maybe that is why we have Facebook, so we don’t have to think, it gets us so involved with impressing people and spying on others lives and feeling ‘a part’ of something that we don’t have time to think. Freely.

I just wonder what a world full of me’s would be like. (Firstly, if I annoy myself, surely it would be painful.) But just for a minute think…..a world full of people who do not place a value on ‘working for the man’ but choose to create and gain money from their talents. People how rebel and instead of having bank accounts and ‘savings’ accounts who rob us daily, have jars full of cold hard cash hidden under their mattress (forget robbers exist for a moment) A world full of people content with who they are and who’s main motivation is family and happiness.

People who accept each other, good or bad. Who tell centrelink to ‘leave them alone.’ People who take responsibility for themselves, their children and their mistakes, share their money, ‘stuff’ and homes with ones they love. Unselfish, caring yet not to be walked all over type of people.

Imagine the world if there were no need for big banks. Imagine a world if there were no need to be ‘better’ than someone else, be it their job, personality, their clothes….everyone was doing what they did because they WANTED to not because they wanted to make ‘Mary’ down the road who always looks like a million bucks give them some kind of acknowledgment. Imagine a world where no one went to ‘work’ but actually worked HARD at what they did?

Just imagine if we were not ‘controlled’ by the employment. The thought that we all MUST be employed by someone else. I mean how come? Yes to pay the bills, but how come we have massive mortgages in the first place? Because we wanted a better, bigger house than our cousin Ganga? (I don’t know how my children ended up with relatively normal names considering what pops into mind sometimes.)

We have debts for stupid stuff like cars used to ‘impress’ we NEED expensive water features for our garden. We HAVE TO HAVE large peruvian rugs….chandeliers…..acrylic nails, foils in our hair, brand names clothes bags, shoes…..

WHY? Because the commercials tell us so? Because that’s what EVERYONE else has?

I’m so over this whole ‘image’ type world we live in. We’re like competitive little idiots running around going ‘look at me!” “Look at me!”

If only people had the guts to say “you know what I don’t need that, because you TELL me I do.”

It is amazing what 2 weeks without Facebook did to me. It really gave me time to think clearly and see that my original flame and passion to be ‘me’ and stand up for what I belive in, oh so much stronger. I almost ready to fight. I’m pumped and my life is going to change.

I’m going to have a garage sale. I’m going to put my massage course to use, I’m going to offer to baby sit and do odd jobs for people, maybe even clean houses. I want to leave this town. I want to do it now. I want to buy a property with a large house, not a perfect one but somewhere comfortable with lots of room for sisters, brothers, grandparents to stay as long as they want; plenty of potential for me to go wild artistically. I’ll hang things from the roof and fairy lights and grow wild plants -inside *gasp*- I want it to be somewhere that invites people in and sucks them into a world of relaxed imagination. I don’t want it to be ‘neat’ with family portraits hung on the walls, but loungey and comfy with mellow music and natural breezes and sunlight, not fluorescent and air con. I want it to be somewhere that people want to sit and talk and laugh with one another over smelly tea, nibbling fruit and nuts. I want my kids to run. Run and climb and scrape knees. I want them to pick weeds to put in vases and hunt bugs. I want them to build things from sticks and leaves. I want them to go to bed at night exhausted dreaming about the things they did and saw not the computer games and movies they watched and played that day. I want to ditch our phones, TVs to, if Glen would allow it. I want flowers for my girls to pick and dirt for Buddy to dig in, I want chickens we can chase and eggs to collect for Saturday breakfast. I want dinners with family and laughs.

So many laughs.

I want to earn my own personal living from making just stuff. Clothes, jewellery, paintings..I want to make everything, I want to sell it at markets…they’re fun festive yet relaxed places and I want to be a part of it. I don’t want to make millions just enough to be some ‘junk’ to make awesome, enough to pay a few bills, enough to buy a few more fruit trees down at good old Bunnings….

I just want to smile and make people happy. I want to step out of this ‘cyber’ world (don’t worry I’ll continue my blog.) I want to leave Facebook behind forever, I can’t bear to part with it yet…I’d never see my sister, brother or adorable niece Lily if I did.

God I hate money.

I don’t want masses of money sitting in my bank account to brag about. I don’t want to have the fanciest, shiniest things. I am more than happy to make or buy second-hand the things I want or need. It doesn’t make me feel ‘dirty’ or ‘not good enough’ I like that stuff better. MUCH better. It makes me feel better knowing my life isn’t a show room on display but more of a canvas to paint who we are on. NOT materialistic, NOT concerned with brands and price.

The part I hate?

We need a big chunk of it, ‘it’ being dollars, to get to that little safe haven of a life I have planned.

And I’m going to do everything I can to get it. I feel like my whole life is on hold. I can’t raise my kids the way I want, I can’t be the sister or wife that I want, my minds not in it and my heart is trying it’s darndest to stay true. I am trying so hard to be who I am and not give in to the pressure of ‘being like everyone else’ but this place is not giving me the space to just’ be.’ I can’t do it and I feel like everything is suffering because of it.

Damn you money.

I just want to live my life with my children and husband, my sister and brother and family. I’m trying to do it over Facebook and it’s just not working out for me.

I want to start living now.

And Facebook is no life for me.