Happy.

I’m not sure if anyone has noticed…but one of my life goals is to reach a point of contentedness.

To me happiness, means being content because unlike being just happy, being content is a way of life.

Not just a flimsy emotion.

I search for it and work towards it everyday.

So in having said all that, it’s no surprise that when I came across a documentary called ‘Happy’ I had to watch it. I found it so interesting, some of which I knew, other parts I took on board.

I found it so amazing that for hundreds of years the study of depression and unhappiness has been at the fore front of psychology studies, a physiologists job was to rid people of their problems and ‘sadness’ and yet couldn’t offer a scrap of insight into how to be happy.

It is now becoming a very popular topic of study -which is nice to hear!-

The docco covered many different people’s lives and their levels of happiness. I found it amazing, and saddening.

Let’s begin with Japan. Mainly because it shocked me and made me appreciative of our life here in Australia. After world war 2 Japan was left ravaged, the government sent about employing every able-bodied person to help re-build their country, they instilled in everyone, even the children, that a very strong work ethic is the most valuable quality any person can have.

Their achievements amazed the world.

Now they live in a world where, when asked in the street what is the most important thing in life, they respond “work.” and “working hard.” One man who was questioned randomly remembered that it was his birthday and then was asked how his wife and family felt about him spending the day with his colleagues, he replied “She understands that work is more important. I will see them tomorrow.”

While the camera pans out over the city, I cannot see any glimpse of green, not one tree, not one flower. Just a mass of seething bodies hurrying along. No one talking, no one laughing. Heads down, brief case burdened and trudging along.

Again scenes of the subway where people are cramming themselves into the cars, no one says a word, everyone’s eyes are blank and pushing forward. People who are clearly exhausted and worn down are slumped over, sleeping among the strangers who all look simply depressed.

Their ‘strong work ethic’ is killing people. literally.

They are collapsing and their hearts are stopping.

Dying of ‘stress’ is becoming common place.

They’ve given it a name which is ‘Karoshi.’

The story of one mother was so saddening. Her husband worked so much that her 3-year-old daughter wouldn’t recognise him when he came home, all this little girl wanted to do was play with her daddy when he came home but he was simply exhausted. Then one day while at work, on a day a little more stressful than others, he collapsed. His heart stopped beating in the ambulance on the way to the hospital.

He was in his early 40’s.

These people have no time to laugh with their kids, no time to stroll among the trees, or go for a picnic.

It is disgusting. Yes, their country may be advanced. But at the cost of people’s lives?

It reminded me of just an army of working ants.

Meaningless people. They don’t even seem to have a place except in some production line obsessed with advancing their country’s power and knowledge. Not one enjoying a scrap of life, they’re raised in apartments packed on top of each other like sardines and probably never climbed a tree or even had a chance to scrape their knees while riding bikes…..raised to work.

Work to death.

Each step of their life is planned. Born, educated, work, marry, house, child -which I’m sure they assume will bring great joy until they realise that they never see that child while working- die. Most are ‘successful’ in their lives. Make a lot of money, is what that translates to….but for what?

It is so sad.

Is there any enjoyment in their lives at all I wonder?

They may be rich but at what cost, and does being rich make them smile?

Not that I saw.

And whats the point in so much money when you’ve got not a chance to use any of it?

Funnily enough another man whose life was monitored was named Manojo who lived in a slum in Kolkuta was rated among the most content of people.

His life was far from those in Japan, he lived in a ‘house’ which was merely a frame covered with a tarp. It provided shelter from the sun and was what he called a “nice home.’ Everyday he woke before the sun to head into the city where he worked as a rickshaw driver…..basically a ‘horse’ for a carriage in which he is paid to take passengers to and from around the city. He does this in the hottest part of summer where his bare feet burn and in the coolest parts of the monsoon where he is soaked to the bone most of the time.

He doesn’t earn much and sometimes he and his family eat only salted rice for dinner.

He describes his life as full and joyful.

The highlight of everyday is when on his way home he meets his son Who calls out “BABA!” excitedly from the tea shop where he waits for him. He is surrounded by neighbours and children, which he says is a big part of his contentedness. They share and generally look out for each other. He calls them his friends, his family.

In the studies done it showed that Manojo’s levels of happiness where in some cases actually higher than that of an average American.

Something I believe is that the less you have, the less you have to lose. The less you have to lose the less you stress about ‘protecting’ what you feel you need to retain.

Maybe this is the case for Manojo? He earns what he needs to feed and shelter his family and spends his time surrounded by loved ones.

Another woman interviewed was really touching, she was a typical ‘supermum’ she was and always had been beautiful in appearance, she was popular and seemed to have it all, married, raising 3 children. Everyone wanted to know her and be around her, she had the life everyone else envied.

Until one day she was run over by a truck.

For almost 10 years she was practically disabled. Her husband divorced her and became an alcoholic, her face horribly disfigured has undergone 33 surgeries and may need more in the future. During her traumatic experience, horrific memories of her father sexually abusing her as a child came to light. Her entire life was unravelled.

No one wanted to be around her anymore. She was no longer beautiful. She wasn’t married any more and all those superficial things she once thought were important were gone. She only had herself.

She contemplated suicide. Telling herself that she’d wait until next week as the kids needed her at the moment.

Eventually, finally, through it all she came to realise that her life was more important than just being a pretty face, she was more valuable than a fancy car or ‘appearing’ to ‘have it all.’

She now embraces life, accepts all of her life and what has happened, she now works with other people who’ve experienced trauma.

She says “I have never ever felt so whole and content in my life as I do now.”

She also met a man who asked her the hard questions like “What’s it like to go from being beautiful to not?” he’s honest and kind and loves her. He thinks she’s a beautiful person.

They got married.

His name is ‘Happy.’

Just about brought tears to my eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Things in this documentary that further interested me is the divide of people and the way they think happiness works.

There are 2 kinds of people…

1. The kind of people who thinks happiness is and external factor. That happiness is  derived from popularity and their status among others. They also think that wealth and things will bring them happiness. They hold materialistic objects high on their list of things to ‘obtain’ to become happy. They want to be popular, attractive and wealthy.

2. These are the people who think happiness comes from internal places. That happiness and contentedness comes from family and loved ones. From helping others and putting others before themselves and from giving rather than receiving.

The funny part is that these two types of people in everyday life conflict.

For example, I personally think I am in group two and simply cannot understand how someone who has a fancy car just because they wanted to impress the neighbours could be happier than I who laughs openly with her family yet has an everyday second-hand only car -which she loves.-

And vice versa, those in group one may think I am strange for not placing any value on cars, houses, or materialistic things, they are confused as to why ‘giving things away’ or volunteering can offer happiness.

I find those concerned with things and objects rather than people shallow and superficial while those who do, may look at me and think I am flippant and ignorant for placing a higher value on loved ones than on owning a nice big house.

Someone like me would say ‘Don’t worry about it.’ If one of the kids spilt something on the carpet, because I feel it is not a life altering event. But the external happiness seekers would probably rant and rave about the price it will cost to have the stain removed.

There is this thing termed a hedonic treadmill, what it means is that we think that something like a new car, or even a wedding day will bring us so much joy and happiness that it will last a lifetime when in reality, while it may bring happiness, it does not last forever. It is only momentary, just like when bad things happen to us. We think we’ll be devastated forever, but it just isn’t the case.

This hedonic treadmill is used to describe our need for more. Once we gain a new car, or have our wedding, while we are happy in the moment, it begins to fade once we ‘get used to it’ so then we are seeking our next ‘want.’ Once we obtain our next want, a second car, or new house, we will become used to that too and seek more and more to keep us ‘happy.’

A vicious cycle or wanting and obtaining and wanting more and more.

Studies showed that the difference in earnings did not increase happiness either. Those who live on the streets who began generating money, of course their happiness increased once their basic needs were met.

But the study went on to show that once our basic needs like shelter and food were met that happiness levels remained the same. There was no difference of happiness of people earing $50,000 a year to those earning $5 million a year.

It proved that owning ‘things’ didn’t increase happiness.

Now let me tell you of a man named Roy who lives in Louisiana on the banks of a bayou. He has barely any money, but spends his spare time out on the water, watching the wildlife and listening to the natural sounds. He comes home to where he shares a free meal of crab which he and his family laughed and had fun catching right on their doorstep. He laughs with aunts and uncles, sisters and brothers.

Strong connections with loved ones.

Again another man named Ronaldo who lives in a  tiny shack on the beach where he rescues baby birds to raise until they can fly, who also surfs everyday, says “Why make heaps of money when you have no time to dream or hope?” “Why go to bed each night unable to sleep because you’re worried about bills that need to be paid tomorrow?”

He also teaches his children that they should aim to “work so that they can live their life in tranquility.”

I totally agree!

A mansion won’t make me happy especially the overwhelming pressure of having to find the money to pay for it each and everyday of my life, but strolling along the beach with my kids in the afternoon stress free knowing that while we may not have the most magnificent house, we do have a roof over our heads and I don’t have to be working 24 hours a day to pay for it…. would.

The cost of ‘maintaining’ our dream life is stressful.

There were scary parts to this docco too. Like the fact that dopamine, which is the chemical released when we’re happy, is then received by things called synapse. These synapse from as early as our teenage years begin to decrease. They do not regenerate. And they can die from lack of use. If there is no dopamine to be received then over time they die off.

If we have too little of these synapse, it results in Parkinson’s disease.

Being genuinely happy and content is a part of being healthy.

We need to release that dopamine people! To keep our synapse from dying.

Remember I mentioned about the Japanese and their highly stressed and pressure filled lives are leading to premature death, well there is this other country called Bhutan,  this country does not follow the rest of the world focussing on economic growth.

They believe that “humanity needs a higher goal than that of GDP (gross national product), and that is gross national happiness. (GDH)”

They’re trying to find what will make their people not rich, but happy.

They’re allowed to play, the young and old, they are allowed to put family first.

The government of Bhutan is actively taking control and aiming, on the behalf of their citizens for a happy nation. They have laws like “60% of Bhutan must always remain forest.” This is a country rich in resources but instead of taking advantage of the land, they are thinking about the people not the money first. If they build a damn, homes must be moved, if they mine, then monasteries and school will need to close.

They place a value on people and their well-being.

Their values are totally different to Japan is the first noticeable thing.

They want peacful long term goals for humanity, not the economy.

They value family, they value friendships, they are not seeking to become an economic success or tech geniuses….their government is aiming for long happy lives for their citizens…..now in hearing that, doesn’t it make you wonder what our government wants for us?….Earn money? Be busy, busy workers?….for what?!

Another place where happiness is rated the highest is Denmark. Why?

Because all Danish people are granted free education through to college and free healthcare for life. They also have a thing called co-housing communities. Really it makes me think of communes, only these are large buildings where each family has their own space but is only centimetres from others, children grow and learn and play communally, adults share the work load between cooking and cleaning.

Everyone has someone.

It covers the story of one woman who was newly divorced and had only herself and two small children so she moved into the co-housing to avoid being isolated and to gain support. Her and her children never want to leave.

The children have responsibilities, and access to the elderly who treat them like grandchildren. The kids openly giggle and feel loved knowing that if they get hurt someone will always come running, related or not.

A more relaxed and simple life it seems to be a good thing.

I’m not suggesting we be ‘lazy’ which is what we’re raised to believe of people who don’t work. I suggest we work hard, damn hard, for ourselves, our children and for others. In ways that create happiness, ways that create contentedness.

Ways that benefit our community.

Scrap goals like ‘own a house by 25.’

‘be married by 30.’

‘Buy brand new car by 35.’

“Be a millionaire by 50.”

How about trading them for

“Help others.”

“Give.”

“Care.”

“Laugh with my family.”

“Offer a lending hand.”

“Be compassionate and kind.”

Personally I cannot comprehend why someone needs a $100,000 car compared to a $10,000 one. Glen explains it to me by saying that a more expensive car must be better and in the long run won’t cost as much in repairs.

I totally disagree.

I know exactly what would happen if we had a$100,000 car. People would ask about it. People would assume we were rich. People do those kinds of things. Some want this and think it will make them happy.

I don’t want people thinking we’re wealthy. I don’t want people thinking anything except “Oh they’re nice.” After literally talking to us.

Being a wealthy person should be from gaining a richness of character.

It makes no sense to me. Yes we need a car, no we don’t need a pricey one. Yes we need to get to and from places. But no, we don’t need to do it in ‘style’ and therefore create more stressful debt while at it.

Debt is one of the things that saddens most of us apparently. Debt is the taking of freedom from someone.

I cannot travel here or there, I cannot take time to just be with family, I cannot even begin a family depending on my ability to repay money I owe?! The pressure involved if one loses their job and needs money now, now, now!

Or if an accident occurs and all of a sudden everything is lost.

The owing of money places stress on relationships.

You know what I noticed most about the people who were content as opposed to those who were not?

Their wrinkles and their eyes.

The ‘happy’ people had so many smile lines and those happy little wrinkles that come from ‘sunshine eyes.’ Like they’d spent a lifetime giggling. Their eyes were sparkling, there was something that kind of sucked you in and made you smile simply because they were.

They had a soul, they had peace within, they seemed lighter, a little bit floaty like they could begin to dance at any moment.

Those who were not ‘happy’ had deep creases across their brow, obvious frowns appeared even when they tried to smile weakly, their eyes seemed hollow and dull.

They fidgeted.

Those were the people who made me want to cry.

Yet they all had great jobs, nice cars, big houses, married to beautiful people whom they probably didn’t like.

But they were hollow.

Hollow and so heavy like they were trudging through life unwillingly.

People probably envy them for their ‘idyllic’ lifestyles, but to those who lived it? They were stressed, under pressure, some on drugs to control their moods. Constantly concerned with what everyone thought of them.

Some of the happiness most joyous times in my life have been when I’ve been oblivious to others. The movie mentioned that when we forget our ego we are free to be our authentic self and I believe it to be true.

I know from experience that the most contented I’ve ever felt is when I have switched off my ‘I wonder what everyone else thinks’ and just done or said what I wanted without for thought, without fear of other people’s judgments.

When I danced around bonfires singing at the top of my lungs. I didn’t make eye contact with anyone because I didn’t do it for anyone except me. I thought it was fun and freeing so I just did it.

For me.

When I’ve sat quietly within nature and watched birds fly by.

Watched the sun create beautiful works of art as it passes the sky over the ocean.

Collected pretty stones and shells half hidden in the sands.

When I’m standing bare footed, toes curling into the dirt and crunchy leaves, eyes closed, sun pouring down onto my shoulders and the warm toastiness…. it gives me shivers, the silent yet noisy bush humming around me….

When I’ve sat for hours on end with my sister and brother laughing over the stupidest fake accents in the world!!!

Eating with our fingers and laughing at the messiness of it all.

Food fights, singing badly, being idiots in general, wearing masks in a public place, now that was fun and we weren’t the only ones laughing! People laughed at us, with us….tears streaming down our faces.

I simply cannot remember a single time where I enjoyed myself as much and money had been involved.

NEVER!

My joy, my contentedness, my happiness has always come from those I love.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The common factors of those who were genuinely, right to their core happy and not just appearing to be so was;

1. Nature. Being outdoors in the fresh air. Either to eat, dance, surf, swim, stroll, jog….anything outside in the natural environment. I mean it makes sense. We are animals after all, we are creating artificial enclosures for ourselves everyday. Have you ever seen the pure sadness in the eyes of a chimp in a zoo?….Thats what we’re doing to ourselves. We’re creatures of nature and for some reason we’re depriving ourselves of it.

2. A sense of belonging. Mostly with their loved ones. A community feel where you know your accepted just as you are. No strings attached. Just because.

3. To help others. There was a man named Andy, on that docco who had spent his life studying and working hard to become a banker and computer manager, he was very ambitious and wanted to be the youngest bank manager in his region, he was wealthy saying he was “spoilt and wasted a lot of money” he was into fashion, concerned with what everyone thought of him until one day the pressure got to him. He gave it all up to live and volunteer in one of Mother Theresa’s homes for the dying where they take in people left in the streets who are ill and on death’s door, they give them basic needs like water, food, warmth and compassion. He said he has never in his life felt so fulfilled and content. Giving.

4. Physical activity. This is the one that helps release lots those important dopamine chemicals. The more fun you have the better! In California they have a ‘gorilla run” where people dress as gorilla’s and run through the streets. How stupid and funny and fun would that be?! Imagine the fits of laughter at the sheer pointlessness of it all? And those who are watching?

Sounds like my kind of exercise!

5. People who could laugh at themselves and had no concern for what others thought of them. They’d ‘forget their ego.’

6. They had hobbies to immerse themselves in. Not for any kind of purpose except for enjoyment.

7. Those people who can recover from incidents quickly. For example when I kick my toe, it angers me and I’ll yell “Damnit.” But I realise that anything more than that is not beneficial. Glen on the other hand will kick his toe and rant for hours about how the world hates him. (hahaha) Those who can recover quicker are happier. Well…der.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is turning out to be a massive essay!

I find happiness/contentedness to be very important not only to me but to you as well. I don’t think there is anything sadder than someone who is sad but trying their hardest to hide it with a continual need for ‘things’ sorry to say it but it is usually fairly obvious too. And horribly….most of us live like this! I know I have too, sometimes still do. But to live a life of ‘wanting’ is going to get us nowhere.

I only hope this post gives more of an insight into what really does and does not affect our long-term goal of being happy and being content, not only to look forward into the future, but right now. I mean we all aim to be happy….dream that someday we will be happy but what does that mean? When is that day exactly? When you get that great job? Then once you do you realise that it hasn’t made you happy? Glen gets bored with his job regularly….I try to put things into perspective for him….Some men would kill to do what he does, he has had the opportunity to drive some of the biggest machinery on Earth. Not everyone can just decide to do what he can. But he can’t see it from outside. He only sees it from his perspective.

Circumstance, meaning income, job, where we live only makes up 10% of our happiness levels!!! Amazing….50% of our happiness make up is genetic, we have a high and low range and generally fall somewhere in the middle of our genetic range. The last 40% is made up of our choices. This is the area that we can work on to determine our levels of being content and happy.

(nothing to do with purchases!)

We are told that circumstance is what makes us happy, by the government, by our parents…..we even sadly teach it to our own children. That they will be happy one day when they have a house, job, wife and kids….will they? We can’t promise that.

10 freaking per cent!!!

Not much, we need to look at the bigger picture and stop feeding our kids this crap we’ve been feeding ourselves for so long. Marriage, children, fancy jobs, nice houses, brand new cars????

We need to look at that massive 40% and ask ourselves what really makes us happy?! I like children. They make me smile, their innocence the way they can tell you that you’re wearing an ugly dress when no one else has the guts, too makes me smile. The way they can sit and ogle at a lady bug for hours with pure interest on their faces…makes me smile. I like to make things, to make something from old stuff that others deem unworthy, makes me smile….to then see someone else take an interest and see the beauty of something that once upon a time no one wanted until I did a couple of things to it?! MAKES ME SMILE! Listening to happy songs and twirling with a baby in my arms….yes you guessed it. MAKES ME SMILE!

None of that costs me a thing and I can enjoy it any moment I want to.

I would prefer to live in a box on the side of the street with a smile on my face than in a mansion with a hollow heart.

Just ask yourself…do I NEED this to survive?

Most of the time the answer will be no.

We need to stop it. We need to stop now. This horrible need to compete with everyone.

To have lots of stuff around us, yet nothing inside at all.

A better house does not mean a better person. A cool car does not mean a cool person. A married person does not equal a stable person.

I personally would hate to be judged on what I ‘own’ instead of who I am.

I’d still be me, in that cardboard box on the side of the street.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Go talk to some elderly people in a nursing home. Shake someones hand and say hello. Offer to carry something for someone struggling. Give that homeless man $2 if your concerned about his habits, he can’t get drugs or drink for that much but he can get a burger. Help your neighbour move house. Offer to cook them a meal if they’re sick.

Money comes and goes.

Being kind is a way of being. Being kind makes us happy.

The Dali lama says “Compassion is in our veins. It is taught to us from our mother the very first time she feeds us from her breast. We do not know who this person is but she is giving to me, not by law, not because of religious teachings but because it is nature. Compassion is in our nature.”

It just makes me wonder where and why and when we decide to turn our backs on humanity to pursue our own selfish materialistic ‘wants.’

There is a little place in the world called Okinawa-which is actually a small island off Japan- its the place where most people live to be 100 years plus. So if a long life reflects happiness this is where the happiest people must be, they have a little saying  which is “Icharibachode” it means that when you meet someone, that they are a sister or brother even if they are meeting for the very first time, they have no malicious thoughts. It was inspiring to see this large group of  very old people looking as if they were still in their 60’s giggling and laughing, joking with one another. One woman mentioned that she has no family but is happy because everyone is her family, people look after her and she is loved. The elderly all meet each afternoon for tea and laughs a their local community centre. They say “Monchu” which translates to “One family.” And these people really mean it, when one family suffers tragic loss, they whole community comes out. They all feel it, they no longer bury their dead but instead cremate their loved ones and the ashes are then placed into a communal coffin. Ashes mixing.

They’ll never be alone.

Always with family.

“Monchu.”

 And I think it is a great way to live. I personally talk to strangers as if I’ve known them for years, as if we are already friends. I know that sometimes it comes across the wrong way, but everyone is a long-lost friend of mine.

I have a genuine belief that we are all equal.

If your house and mine burned down, took our clothes and all… we would be nothing but two naked beings. What makes me or you better than one or the other?

The ability to offer a hand.

I think being content is one goal we all should have in life. And in order to be content we need to be able to stand as one equally, without competition, be open, honest, helpful and caring.

Live a long healthy life with all those beautiful ‘sunshine eyes’ that sparkle with life and lightness.

Let’s laugh and dance like we’re the only one on Earth.

Let’s just be happy ok?….It’s important.

Thanking you Mother Nature.

I don’t like sunny days. I really, really don’t like sunny days.

They are so bright and glairy. Sunny days they don’t like it when I want to sit and read, or write or just snuggle up in bed and do nothing but watch a movie with my kids.

They make me feel guilty.

Sunny days are working days.

BUT tonight a storm has come, I’ve grown up loving storms, loving rain. I can sleep so much better on a rainy night. A gloomy day holds so much promise, I like the idea of day turned night just because the skies are angry.

Everything seems so vivid and green. The stillness that feels like the universe has stopped breathing. The gurgling rumbles of a hungry horizon waiting to engulf everything with rain.

The pelting fat drops.

I like to sleep to a raging storm, it makes me feel less important. Makes me feel like there really is something bigger than all of us. Something powerful and awesome.

So tonight it will rain and I hope with everything that I have that tomorrow will rain too. I’d like a holiday thank you very much Mother Nature.

Rain and gloom make me smile, the perfect opportunity to rest, take things slow and enjoy the fact that I cannot control well, anything.

I think that is what I miss about NSW the most.

The land just seems to dry out the further from the coast you go. You could almost watch it evaporate before your eyes. I could swim before I could walk, I love water, 4 of my babies born in water. I miss it. Rain and the ocean are important things to me.

I do like that the skies and the oceans are so beautiful yet can be so dangerous, such vast stretches, they take up as much space as they choose and don’t really care who or what is in their path once that decision is made to move.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anyway, I haven’t put much thought into this post, just rambling and writing for the love of it. I do hope tomorrow is a sleepy rainy day for us.

So please Mother Nature, I’d like a rest, I’d love some rain and goodness knows your Earth would too!

Shopping?! In a time like this?

There is so much going on in our world at the moment, tsunamis, earthquakes, the proud killings of unarmed mass murderers, the ongoing poverty and the always present starvation of helpless children, not only in third world countries, that really the last thing I should be doing is shopping.

I’m the kind of person who can sometimes think on things too deeply, which I think began almost ten years ago. I had my beautiful first baby daughter Bella, I came home when she was 4 days old. I turned on the telly to sit and nurse my baby and all I could find on the television were images of buildings being blown up. At first I was shocked and thought what a horrible accident it was and then I started seeing more and more footage, two planes two buildings?

It was September 11, 2001.

I cried. I was almost 17, looking at the perfect baby I had brought into such an imperfect world. I was quite devastated. Becoming a parent gives us a different perspective on everything as it is, but for me so young to come home and see such hatred and devastation, what have I brought my baby into? I felt utterly horrible.

Bella has practically been a living breathing measuring stick for the war on terror. I will never forget that day and I will never forget the people lost, the people saved and the people who gave their lives trying to save more.

I am just so glad that we live in a place like Australia where we still have the freedom to do such meaningless things such as shop and pretend that the horrors that occur daily are but stories on the news.

So today I shopped.

I loved it!

To say I didn’t would be like admitting that I was not in fact a human female but an alien of some kind!

And to be honest I really did need to. With only 8 weeks left until Buddy’s due date and the fact that I like to have everything prepared for hospital at least 5 weeks before D-day I thought why not now?

With every baby I have bought myself a brand new comfy pair of pajamas, its like a little ‘good job’ gift I give to myself and its so nice to give birth and after all that hard work hop into a fresh new pair of pjs! I also needed underwear. Desperately. Anyone who knows me, knows I’ve been saying I have needed to get some for months, I’m talking like 12-15 months! I was down to 3 pairs and there was so little left of them that they could barely be called underwear.

They were more like under-where?

Truth be told, I had an awesome time! Glen took Violet and Molly for a stroll so Sophie and I could browse peacefully. I don’t often buy anything for myself, the last thing I bought myself was this –

It has all my girls names on it and also Buddy’s (let’s hope we’re not surprised with a girl!) I haven’t taken it off since the day it arrived!

So while feeling completely guilty I was also relishing in being completely selfish!

Oh how evil! Me, all about me!

I still did my usual thing and hung to the discounted items and 20% off stuff but I did splurge just a little on this-

It cost me $55 down from $69. I haven’t had a black jacket for a couple of years now, well any jacket! My last one lasted 5 years and I loved it to death being black I wore it over EVERYTHING, I finally got rid of it thinking that if I did, I would HAVE to buy a new one, but I just never did. My grieving must have finally past because when I saw this little velvet beauty I had to have it! Finally a black jacket. Normally I wouldn’t dream of spending $55 on a single item of clothing but after working it out in my mind, I decided that it was in fact a bargain. If I could love my last black jacket for 5 years then surely I could do the same for this one.

I was getting in the swing of picking things up that were only for me, not for the family and not for the girls and not for Glen, just me. I got a cheap shoulder bag too. The kind that is cheap enough for me not to be worried if crumbs or drink spillages occur. The kind cheap enough to throw on the lounge as I walk in the door. I adore the one I am using because it was a birthday present from Glen, but I do feel bad that I do not take care of it well enough. So now I can whip it out on special ‘child free’ occasions. My new bag also has an added feature. Its sling handle. The kind that gives me BOTH hands while out with the girls.

Which I need.

I didn’t want to leave. I ogled every item carefully, even the ones I knew I would never buy. I felt the textures and absorbed the patterns. Breathing in the new-ness. Shopping for my girls and others I love is always fun, but shopping for me?

Such a guilty pleasure.

I never wanted it to end!

As selfish as I was I could not pass these up-
$15 each and winter is approaching, all their thongs and sandals are getting ratty and we’re going home next month and we’re told it’s quite cold. (I have an excuse for everything!) But they are so funky! I was only a little upset that they didn’t have Molly’s little size. I bought these big enough to look a little like flippers until they grow into them. But I consoled myself with the fact that while Molly is the smallest person in our house, she almost has more shoes than all of us put together!

So there goes another ignorantly blissful day. I will resume my hopeful wishing and thinking for all those innocently caught up in wars and disasters tomorrow.

But for now I will relish in my new ‘stuff’ and pretend like its important.

 

 

Oh and for those of you who are curious. I did FINALLY get those new undies.

REALLY, REALLY, REALLY BIG ones!

😉

“Don’t” hit me baby one more time!

~ Just a warning, this contains MY personal opinions on certain parenting topics, and different ways I chose to raise my own children, if you think it will annoy you or you don’t agree, please keep in mind that these are my personal views and you have the right to disagree, just as I have the right to express my opinions~

 

So I was driving this morning, I was getting our girls out of the house taking them to have some lunch out and stop off at the park for a play and as I drove down the street I saw a well dressed happy looking couple strolling down the path to the right of my car. He was walking ahead and pushing a pricey looking pram with a muslin wrap shading the baby I assume was in it. She was behind pushing one of those toddler bikes with the handle sticking out the back.

I thought to myself how nice, a morning walk, I would’ve liked to have been doing the same thing if Glen were home today. The man stopped and looked back to his wife I assumed to wait for her. He shrugged and turned back to keep walking, Next thing I know the woman raised her arm and smacked that little girl in the side of her head so hard the bike toppled and the girl nearly fell off.

My jaw dropped.

The child must have yelled out, at the very least. Her dad turned back to see what was going on but the mother had already done her deed and he didn’t see it.

I did.

 He looked concerned and was looking at me watching her. Making me think that he probably did know what she was up to and was ashamed. I stopped at the T section waiting for a car, still gob smacked. I glanced back in my rear view mirror to see her yank that child by the arm off her bike so viciously that she was swung in the air and the bike fell, she dropped that little child on the cement.

I didn’t realise helmets also helped prevent brain damage caused by parents!

But what did I do?

I didn’t do anything I kept driving. I didn’t know what I should do. The further I kept driving it seemed the less and less I could have done. I didn’t even look at the mother properly for a good description. I haven’t stopped thinking about it however. It was shocking! To think that this mother on an outward appearance looked well dressed, she was probably polite and nice too, would be capable of physically abusing her child in broad daylight!

Any mother, dressed like whatever, appearing like who cares, capable of that?!

I do not even want to think of what she may or may not do in the privacy of her own home if she had no concern for what she was doing in public!

Maybe she thought she was doing the right thing?

But I don’t.

It was physical abuse as far as I saw.

Plain and simple.

And her husband?

Standing there watching her drag that little girl around like a rag doll?

If he won’t stand up for her who will?

I don’t know who she is and I’ll probably never see her, her husband and two small children again.

I don’t care how stressed, how frustrated she was or even how naughty that child was being. It was uncalled for.

Blatant abuse.

IN PUBLIC!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My girls know what a smack is. My definition of a smack is a tap on the back of the hand, or a light slap on the bum. AND they only receive that after being spoken to, like an equal with respect and dignity.

I use a three strikes type rule,

example –

1. Please don’t touch that.
2. Please stop touching that now or you will get a smack.
3. ok, I’m going to give you a smack.

Most of the time I use ‘going to your bedroom’ or ‘come sit beside me’ in replacement of a smack, but if I thought a smack was called for that is how I would approach it.

I have always been consistent with this so they know I will follow through which is why I very rarely have to dust off my smacking hand, because they know I am serious. I probably dole out 2-4 ‘smacks’ per month! Not bad with 4 kids.I usually get to strike two and they give in and do as they are told because I am consistent!

I am very happy and lucky and proud that my girls, while not perfect and far from angels, are very well-behaved and random people comment on it. Sophie has gotten free cookies from subway because of her good behaviour and Bella has even scored free cupcakes at the bakery for her manners. They are always offered stamps or lolly pops at check outs or the doctors. People use words like ‘game’ and ‘brave’ when I go shopping with four kids. (Actually when I do anything on my own with my four girls!) Four kids who’ll hold the side of my trolley without tantrums, screaming and touching things. And it kind of annoys me. It feels like people think I have no life or freedom because I have 4 kids. Its not so hard when they are good kids. Sometimes too good. It actually sometimes makes me feel guilty. Especially when I calmly walk by a mother of one or two who ARE in the process of tantrums or climbing out of trolleys and wrestling with mums who look ready to scream trying to keep them in.

I know I shouldn’t feel this way but I do, sometimes I feel like inconspicuously knocking something from a shelf and blaming one of my girls so my kids seem ‘normal.’ Or telling them to run up and down isles while screaming!

They are that good that I can allow them to go check out the toy isle while I grab something from the deli knowing they will only look and not touch.

Now I’m bragging.

 

I am proud of my girls.

And it is hard sometimes when parents ask me how I do it, or why they behave so well. My answer is to be CONSISTENT!

It really is that simple.

Speak to them like people and let them know what the re-actions to their actions will be.

And follow through.

Let them know they are upsetting you or frustrating you, tell them you’re not happy if they do a,b, or c.

But also let them know when you are happy with them.

Kids really do love their mums and their dads and want to please them.

The hard part is that parents always ask, but rarely do they want to hear what others say. No one wants to hear that they possibly are doing things not really wrong, just differently.

Don’t ask for advice if you don’t really want it.

There is no pill, drug or magic potion for good behaviour.

And it is hard work, but if you put in the effort consistently, then the effort required becomes less and less.

And I totally agree with the whole ‘first 5 years are the most important.’ This is when they are learning the most, absorbing everything around them and learning traits and patterns they will carry on throughout life.

By no means am I saying my children are perfect angels. I live with them daily and I know that they are not, Bella is my most difficult as she was my first, the whole ‘trial and error’ thing applies and she had 5 years to herself getting almost away with murder, she doesn’t like to take ‘no’ for an answer and argues a lot.  Sophie gets grumpy when tired and can lash out, Violet’s a squeeler and is always full of energy and ‘bouncy’ and Molly, she consistently does not listen when I say ‘don’t touch’ and is very persistent.

ALSO…..

By no means am I saying that I never have a bad day, get frustrated or that my girls ALWAYS listen to me or that I know it all or have answers to everything, but I know which tactics have worked for me. And physical abuse is certainly not one of them.

Anyone who harms their child the way that woman did today should be locked up or in serious need of help.

It will stay in my mind for a while to come. I have seen some terrible things working in a pre-school, and I can say that none of the children whose parents decided physical ‘discipline’ was the way to go had well-behaved children. They were the worst. They would lash out violently with anyone who did what they considered to be wrong, adults and children alike. To hit a child you may as well sit down look your kid in the eye and say ‘now anytime someone does something you don’t like or agree with, just whack them!’

And parents who hit their kids usually hit their kids after their kid has hit someone else. It barely makes sense to me, but to a child? So its ok for big people to hit me if they don’t like what I do, but I have to walk away or ‘use my words’ to tell someone if I don’t like what they are doing?…..

These kids were emotionally and sociably unstable too.

 

If for some weird reason that random lady is reading this right now,

Please don’t hit your little girl like that again. If your stressed or frustrated take a breather. Get your husband to take them for an hour so you can relax. No good will come of hitting your kids. If your on your own, put her safely in her room and take a walk around the garden, crying in her room for half an hour will hurt her a whole lot less than you will if you lose it again. And if you can’t discipline your child in public the same way you do at home, then maybe the way you discipline your child at home is inappropriate anywhere.

Cherish our babies.

The truth of it is……

Well lately I’ve had some really nice comments about my parenting. Maybe I’ve been extra good at it lately or maybe I’m talking about it more. But whatever it is, it’s flattering and makes me happy to be recognised as a good parent because that’s what we all want to be- but at the same time it makes me feel guilty.

The other day I had someone say they were impressed with all the things I did. Really? ALL the things I did? I looked around my house, freaked out, felt like a fraud and swept my floors until they resembled something called ‘clean’

I had another friend say that I inspired them. ‘Thank you.’ is what I said verbally, mentally I was like, well I almost had a melt down yesterday because of the pile of dishes I have to wash. It wasn’t the pile that made me just about bawl like a baby, it was the knowledge that I’d be doing the same thing tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day. Well forever really. I guess…..who wouldn’t cry about that?!

My real estate agent from a few years ago, called me a ‘super mum’ as I had a 17 month old, a newborn and a 7-year-old, I was on my own, my house was lovely, my kids well-behaved. Super mum? Hardly, I had practically perfected being a horse. Well the part where I could sleep while standing. The inspection she was there for was the inspection I had to have because I’d just separated from my partner, and he’d moved out. My house was so clean because I was a magnet behind my children picking things up as they trailed behind. If I didn’t even for an hour, everything went downhill until you had to brush things away with your foot before you had a piece of floor to put that foot on.

I think Facebook is a big part of my false image. (I am not trying to say I am not a good mum, but I am trying to get the ‘whole’ story out there. I can not ‘do it all.’) I post photos and put up status’ of mostly good things, I am a positive person.

Ok let me give you an example to explain. Play along……

Today I got up, got my girls fed and dressed Bella organised for school and sent off with hugs and goodbyes. Glen and I then took our little girls to our local cafe` they played in the kids corner while Glen had a ginger beer and I had a cappuccino. We convinced the girls to finish their milkshakes so we could drop Molly and Glen home.

I then took Sophie and Violet to the library for story and craft time. I really enjoy this. I don’t know any of the mums and I don’t plan to get to know them, I don’t want it to be ‘social’ hour I want to listen to the stories with my girls and help them colour and cut and paste their crafts. We picked out a few books -Sophie’s really picking up words in the early readers we get every week.- But realised I’d left my wallet with our library card at home. We came home, grabbed it and went back to the library to pick up our books.

Home again. I’d been wanting to do a ‘pancake craft time’ for a few days now and thought I would test it out today. It was awesome fun. So I set to work in the kitchen……

The pancake recipe I use and it’s always awesome, fat fluffy pancakes is –

3/4 cup milk and 1 egg whisked or beaten together then added to 1 cup self-raising flour and 1 tablespoon of caster sugar. (I usually make a triple lot for my girls, Glen likes them with butter for work too)

First I made the ‘canvas-cakes’ one per person. These were for our art work. Once bubbles appear, FLIP!

So we needed 6. 6 BIG perfect pancakes was a BIG ask of me, as I usually have a few at least that turn out….bad….it just doesn’t cover it.

Then I made heaps of little ones to use for petals, or decorating, let your imagination run wild!

After I made a bunch of little plain ones I coloured the rest of the mixture green and made green ones for leaves or….again, let your imagination run wild!

THEN….

I made up some icing (just from icing sugar and milk) and separated it to colour pink, purple and yellow. Made some coconut green (mixed in food dye) used green and red seedless grapes, lots of different sprinkles (I am a serial cake decorator, you could use a couple of different sprinkles, kids won’t mind) I ended up also using sultanas, chopped walnuts and choc drops.

BUT….we didn’t do our pancake art immediately Glen wanted to go grab a movie for tonight, movie night with the girls in mum and dads room tonight! Thats always a special occasion especially once the m&m’s and popcorn are whipped out!

But anyway once, Molly had woken from her nap and Bella had gotten home from school the fun began!

So we all had a great time, afternoon tea lasted way longer than usual, and I didn’t feel guilty because I didn’t fit in any craft time today which the girls love….besides the library craft….

So I’m an honest person and when I get these ‘comments’ I feel like I’m hiding the real story. I’m not but I am telling the better parts. I am human and so far from perfect it’s not funny. Though I like that which is why I’m using my unlimited ‘space and time’ and getting it ALL out there.

So here’s what I will be calling

‘BEHIND THE SCENES’

OK…..So that all sounds fine and dandy doesn’t it? What a great mum, running around town with the little ones, library, home then library again- The bits you missed out on here was that each time I had to get Violet into the car she used this time to ‘express her emotions’ so I dealt with a screaming nearly 3-year-old in my face while doubled over in our car trying to buckle the darling in.

Oh and I forgot! It was raining when we pulled up at the cafe` and couldn’t get a park close so, we all got pretty wet on the way in. (that was kinda fun tho, but it’s another small hassle I left out)

OK so at home. Where did I possibly get the time to jump into the kitchen to whip up a fresh batch of pancakes?! Well Glen had the girls in Sophie’s room and turned her bus bed bunks into a cubby, they sang ‘the wheels on the bus go round and round, all the way to Birmingham’?? Then as I listened they also went 4wding…..to the library! However Birmingham seemed like the most popular destination. They had fun with dad while mum spent almost an hour in the kitchen cooking and making up the decorations.

But this is what I am left with in the bedroom now….

 

These pics do not show the true devastation of a pretty little girls room, though I could only manage to grab a couple of pictures from the door before sighing, shaking my head and walking away to deal with it another day.

After the girls finally got tired of their pancake art, which has probably ruined their appetite for dinner, I was left with another issue that had been playing on my mind ALL day….

My dishes and kitchen in general. Its only small and looks disgustingly dirty very quickly. I hadn’t had the chance to wash up first thing which is my usual plan of attack and that way I can keep on top of it throughout the day, but today was not one of those days. So I sent the girls out to the backyard armed with containers to catch bugs in. My only piece of advice was that they ‘don’t touch anything that might bite’

So thankfully while I was half way through the dishes considering whether or not to cry over it, they turned up with ‘flowers’ beautiful containers filled with weeds which they demanded be put in vases..(YES! I saw another opportunity!, I stuck Sophie on a chair at the kitchen bench and she ‘arranged’ her ‘flowers’ while I finished up)

OH! Notice the chicken in the oven?! A handy tip- baked dinners are actually the perfect meal for busy families, chuck it in and forget about it, quickly peel some potatoes any chance you get and throw them in too. 10 mins before serving whack some mixed veggies in a pot with a tad of salt and boil up while getting plates and cutlery sorted. Meat and veg, my kids love it and would eat it everyday.

 

So as you can see, things don’t run as smoothly or perfectly as they should all the time (today was particularly good, so I’ll make sure to keep up with the ‘behind the scenes’ theme)

My only advice to other mums would be is stay calm and relaxed.

The days my girls are the worst is when I am stressed or frustrated over ‘adult’ things like money, my bad hair, boredom, gossiping, other people…..basically anything that children have no concept of. They feel your short snappy vibes and react badly.

They honestly think they are the only things that matter, the only thing you have time for.

And they have a right, they didn’t decide to be here.

They do have the right to be read to (everyday)

They do have the right to be respected and talked to (about anything! Do you think its going to rain? Whats that bird doing?)

And they have the right to go to bed feeling happy and loved. (every night)

If those few things are what make me a good mum then to anyone who’s ever given me positive feedback thank you so much. But if it’s not take a deeper look first.

The truth of it is…….

Anyone can be a good mum as long as you have good intentions and follow through on them.

 

Goodnight.

day 14!

So today is the last day of my two-week family time/meditation time/isolation/hibernation/time out thingy I was doing. There were a few names I used for it depending I guess on my mood for that day.

The aim was for me to re-train my brain, to appreciate each moment for what they were. To not be anxious and curious about what would or should be happening next but enjoying fully the moment I was currently in. I wanted to be content. I didn’t want to be bored because I wasn’t doing what I personally wanted to do.

I wanted to learn how to be happy doing everything for everyone besides myself.

And NOT be resentful of that fact.

I wanted Glen and my girls to become more helpful and more appreciative of each other and me.

I wanted to feel a complete mother and partner. I wanted to go to bed every night saying to myself ‘Yes, I did everything everyone required of me and I am happy about it.’ Instead of ‘I could have done more, I feel so bad about backing out of going to the park, I feel bad for not being completely involved in what Glen was telling me about work.’ and so on and so forth.

I wanted everyone to be happy and loving.

Did it go to plan?

Well hmmm…..

Let me think.

Yes and No.

In the beginning of this thing I think I went about things the wrong way. I was going to be completely self-sacrificing and give up even the thoughts of what I would like to be done for myself. I made everyone first. (Well I always do, but I stepped it up a level, there was no ‘just a moment, I need to finish this, or just be patient for a minute.’ I just said ok and did.)

But I was getting walked all over. literally.

I decided I need to fight for me.

If I don’t, with four babies and a man in this house I very quickly just became the ‘cleaning/feeding/fun providing fairy’ I was never seen but somehow clothes were clean, meals were produced, and activities laid out for fun.

I did not start out thinking about me, I was thinking about us, but I soon realised the more I made it about ‘us’ the less ‘me’ was involved.

The truth was there was a lot more cleaning. For ME.

There were a lot more demands made. Of ME.

It’s hard to describe but the more I put in the less I mattered, I tried not to think about it for the first few days, well I don’t think I did at all, I was just doing and I didn’t mind, but once I became quickly exhausted, which I thought was extremely visible to everyone (not to mention the agony of my stupid foot pain -which is better now thanks-) I thought someone might step up and say hey Cristie/Mum, go have a rest. But nope. But I do live with a 9year old, 4-year-old an almost 3-year-old, a 1-year-old and a man.

Really did I expect differently? Really, did I?

I guess not. I’m just complaining.

But besides all that. Which really isn’t that bad at all. I am a mum of course and really in the bigger picture I don’t matter too much. I don’t mean that I don’t have wants or needs but when I get up in the morning my first thoughts are ‘I wonder what everyone will want to do today?’

I highly doubt ANYONE in this house gets up wonder ‘Hmm, what does mum want to do today?’

But besides things like, painting, writing, drawing etc, I did get to do what I wanted. I had wanted to spend time with my girls and make them happy. I know I achieved this and I am going to continue with it. But I will be giving them more responsibility to take some of the load off myself in the hopes that they will feel more grown up and I will feel less exhausted.

For an example Bella and Sophie have now taken on feeding and watering our dogs, Sweedie and Bones. (my friend thinks this term is hilarious, ‘watering’ the dogs, but its right isn’t it? To me it is and that’s all that matters. xoxox Nai!) Sophie is in charge of feeding and Bella is in charge of watering. They are both in charge of catching and locking up the dogs for the night. Such a small thing, but it’s not one of my favorite tasks and we did get the dogs for the girls to take on a bit of responsibility. I know the novelty will wear off and it will become a boring chore but hopefully I can get them to be strong and push past that monotonous feeling of repeating the same task daily.

God only knows I have that fight everyday!

The day they invent house cleaning maid robot cyborgs I will be in heaven.

They don’t necessarily have to be ‘cyborgs’ I just think that would make them cooler.

‘Wow, your house is beautiful and you have so much time to hang out with your girls, you must have one of those robot cyborgs!’

‘yes, yes I do!’

But anyway.

Despite my complaing which is a regular pregnancy symptom for me, I can not complaing about the fun we have had, and the full on mum and daughter time I have been able to fit in with each of the girls. We’ve spent long days in the park, long afternoons drawing and chatting, doing puzzles and simply mucking around.

We’ve taken long walks and our house has been relatively clean throughout. We haven’t really been bored only a few moments when we’d thought we’d exhausted all our ideas of what to do next.

Personally I have LOVED the alone time. I have not even wanted adult company, I have been contented to share everything with Glen. I don’t feel like I need anything outside our little bubble of babies and giggles, Glen and I easily get along and laugh and chat and gossip and muck around with the kids.

We all fit into this weird puzzle of a family.

I’ve felt guilty because I haven’t wanted to see or talk to anyone. And wonder if somehow I could make it a permanent thing. I doubt this highly.

I learnt that just because I love my little family unconditionally and that they know I would do anything for them at the drop of a hat, that I must fight for myself to have a valid place too.

I matter as well.

I’ve also learnt that I am so much more peaceful without outside influences.

I don’t need anyone to ‘entertain’ me or my girls.

We can entertain each other.

In conclusion I think my whole 2 week off-limits family time was a success, even though there were a few people who didn’t really respect my decision to have 2 weeks to myself and my family. I did feel a little de-valued by this, like I what I want and say doesn’t matter. And that my family time was a joke to some.

I would suggest doing this to anyone and everyone.

As I always knew, everything that really matters to me is a part of me and always will be.

My family.

Glen, Bella, Sophie, Violet, Molly and soon Buddy.

I have all I will every need or want.

I love you little guys with all my heart. I am happy I had these two weeks with you all and I hope you could see how much effort I put in to make you all happy.

And it was all because I love you.

With all my heart.

Always.

xoxoxoxx

 

 

 

(Back to my pointless, philosophical, strange opinioned blogging over the next few days. Good luck to all who put up with it!)

 

 

day four part 1

So I’ll make this quick as its 7.45 and I promised that I would not use the com for anything except to blog and that I would keep it to myself by doing it at night.

But the girls are eating toast and waiting for their beautiful fruit salad.

I am making them wait for Molly to wake because I know she’ll be left with the least desirable fruit like the pear. She loves it though, probably due to scabbing leftovers!

So getting up at 6am was a little bit of a struggle this morning. I didn’t really want to get up I lay there making my eyes open up painfully. I got up about ten minutes later to head down stairs and hang Glen’s work uniforms out to dry. Not long afterwards I heard a sleepy little voice ‘What are you doing mum?’ came Sophie dreamily down the stairs. I think she’s still in shock that I somehow keep waking before her and then to be doing stuff outside was just weird to her.

She told me how she’d slept well and when she got up that she said good morning to ‘sunrise.’

It must be her adaptation of my ‘Good morning sunshine.’

I’m feeling better than yesterday and optimistic that today can be better. I am hoping to walk the girls -with Glen- to the shops. They enjoy it and I could use the tan. I will be putting sunscreen on this time though.

Ok, 7.55 I think I shall go wake Glen as gently as possible. Meaning I will open the door and tell the girls to ‘go get him.’

The day has begun and I will keep you posted as to its progression.

I am hoping for a brilliant happy day.

I am hoping it doesn’t end with Bella declaring ‘I really dislike you right now mum!’ (so maybe she didn’t actually say ‘really dislike’ or ‘right now’ but I really ‘dislike’ her use of the ‘H’ word. Which she knows and whips out here and there.)

Oh and if you were wondering why she said that to me instead of ‘goodnight mummy dearest, I love you.’ it was because I suggested that instead of staying up to watch the show that was on, that maybe she should go to bed and start on the new book I bought her today!

Ah, appreciation.

Maybe we all need a dictionary and a few days to let the meaning sink in.

hopes for my yager babies

Sitting here listening to the rain that has just started to fall I am glad that my girls and I left the park early. We decided to have a morning tea and picnic lunch at the park, armed with picnic blankets, sandwiches, fruit, juice, some early easter eggs, our rubber balls and some building blocks -in case the play ground wasn’t ‘fun’ enough- It started getting really hot. There were some paper wasps hanging around and an overly friendly lady with two very rough boys. We eventually decided to cut it short after morning tea and come home for our picnic lunch.

I now have 2 sleeping babies and one quietly watching a movie while I sit here listening to the rare event in our town that is rain.

strangely enough its these quiet times that I think of my girls. In the not so quiet times I am constantly ‘doing’ things with my girls and have no time to think, but once it settles and quiet takes over.

I ‘think’ of them.

I have hopes for them. And for unborn Buddy.

I hope that they will always be happy. I hope that they do not feel that they have huge expectations to live up to. I hope they always feel that they make me proud and that I will support them unconditionally.

I hope they learn a lot in school. I do not want them to be doctors or lawyers, teachers or rock stars. Unless of course this is what they want. I do however hope they have options. I would love it if they chose to work in a pet store, but had the option of being a vet if they desired. I want them to be able to choose cake maker over rocket scientist because it is what they ‘want’ to do, not that it is the only thing they ‘can’ do.

I want them to be loved. Loved by their parents, and family, loved by themselves internally. I want them to be happy and contented in their relationships whether they choose to be single, married, gay or have multiple partners.

As Glen would say ‘Whatever floats your boat.’

I hope that they grow into well adjusted, happy, content people.

I do know that I will not always understand or agree with my children’s choices but I hope that I will always accept them.

I hope they are free.

I hope they are happy.

I hope they chase their dreams.

I hope they cry happy tears.

I hope.

BEING REALISTIC

I guess I’m in a bit of a bad mood today, and perhaps should not be blogging. But as I have not shared my blog with anyone as yet, I’m feeling quite safe in saying whatever I feel, and in the end honesty and showing the array of my passionate personality may eventually be interesting to someone. Maybe.

I’m quite annoyed at people who take for granted everything they have. I have a few specific people in mind and each one in a different way is really very un-appreciative of what they have.

The first lets call them Boob* (No, I didn’t mis-spell Bob.)

Well Boob, has no appreciation for his family.

The second lets call them Slammer* (Its fitting trust me)

She takes for granted her VERY comfortable life.

And the third lets call her  Mrs Big*

Well she takes no responsibility for herself or actions and thinks she is the only one with a ‘hard’ life. (This may make sense if her life was actually hard.)

I’m having a hard time not saying anything to these people. I’m having an even harder time listening to their constant whining about how little they have when they drive fancy cars, live and spend excessively then complain.

It’s a constant and mis-placed ‘poor me, poor me.’

I don’t have time for it. I accept that I am lucky, I appreciate all that I have family-wise and pocession-wise. I try everyday to be thankful for all the things in my life. I try hard not to be wasteful or live excessively.

If I ever do think I have it hard, or am sad because I can’t afford a pointless pair of shoes which I adore, I try to think of the darling babies whose mothers cannot feed. Of the children as young as five raising they’re siblings due to the death of parents. I think of the large families who cannot afford any car let alone a NEW one. The families who do not even have a roof over their heads let alone one with a bedroom for each child. I think of single mothers who have no support yet smile and work each day knowing they have the love of their child. Of single dads who are not allowed to see their children grow. I try to think of people who are blessed with a disabled child and love and adore them while others complain and mis-treat their perfectly healthy children. And still most of these people wake each morning whith a smile of gratitude for the things they DO have and hope for the future. 

There are hundreds of children starving in the streets as I type this and yet some people are more concerned with whether to go for the dolce and gabbana or prada sunglasses.

Let’s be realistic.

Or so help me, I’ll get cranky!

A theory on this day of love

I never thought of love as a living breathing ‘thing’ outside of oneself.

I, sadly, thought love was just another emotion like happiness or anger. Your not always angry and no one can always be happy. And like those emotions I felt that love was just a temporary feeling  that got us into a relationship with someone we enjoyed being with. There would be moments on and off when you look at that person with ‘love’ just like you could look at them with anger or sadness or happiness.

How could love be a real thing if it wasn’t a constant. We may as well walk around with a blind fold on, bump into someone, whip off the blindfold, think ‘hmm your an attractive person’ and go from there.

I think some people do begin a relationship like this and after some time to settle in, become used to the routine and become comfortable with the pattern of partnered life, love isn’t an important thing any longer, they have kids and get married and do what big people do.

But that’s not love.

I am happy I never settled. I thought I was prepared to a couple of times. But I have an overpowering sense of ‘what if’ and ‘life’s to short’ Why would I want any moment of my life or my daughters lives to be unhappy?

I am happy that my theories were so wrong. I am happy -for once- to be so utterly wrong.

Love should not be called an ’emotion’ that’s such a weak word.

Now that I know what love is.

This love makes me get up each morning.

This love makes me do the things I don’t really want to do. (Like wash dirty socks)

This love is not flippant.

This love is constant.

One day long in the future one of us will be called to go wherever it is that we go in the end, and the other will surely die of heartbreak.

Til death do us part.

Enjoy your love deeply on this Valentine’s day.